It is what it is

Someone said to me this morning, "Do something fun!"

In my weary sleepy head at 7:15 am, I could not think of anything fun. "Play your guitar!" Good idea! That is fun, well, at least for 30 minutes before my hands get tired. What else is fun for me? Reading and tea. Playing Pictionary or Boogle or other word games. Doing anything that doesn't feel painful in my body.

I don't take pain very well. I like writing, it's not painful. Sure at the moment I do feel a bit stagnated and not growing in this direction (although some would say I am growing in other directions ;)) And lack of growth can be painful too. Often I find myself "busy" with things I am not sure is the right thing to be busy with, as it is taking me away from the main attraction, i.e. re-invention.

There are tiny little cups of dirt and seedlings inside, slowly pushing their little green leaves out there for the world to see. Get sunlight little green friends, grow! I love Spring with all it's growth. So exciting! I forgot what I planted so it will be a bit of a mystery. I want to get more of these little cups of dirt / miniature green houses. They are so NOT messy. I like that, clean gardening is the best.

Gardening is hard work - but it is a good pain. I know it will "bear fruit". Maybe my attitude about my pain - physical and mental - needs a bit of a shift. I am learning, whether I like it or not. Maybe it is a risk but perhaps I can reach out to people and make my community grow, just like I let my garden grow.

Once upon a time, I did like jogging and playing frisbee and generally doing stuff outside. I miss that. I want to get back up to that point again. Can I do it? Do I have my mind set on it? Therein lies the problem. The wishy washyness of it all.

So, what is it that I have my mind set on? Woe is me? That's not cool. It is what it is, but I think I could have a different mind set. I have a lot to be grateful for. Disregard the scary nightmares of death and dismemberment. They come when there is fear. Banish fear now and forever.

I have to remind myself everyday, that I am worth it. What ever it is, I am in the right place at the right time and I have to believe that there is a plan for me, and I just have to bring myself to the table every day. Faith. I have nothing to fear, because I am handpicked and very precious.

Monday is the new Friday?!

Apologies I missed writing on Friday. What a crazy week it was last week.

But I can't lose heart - I can't give up because of one nutter. The world is bigger than her and those like her - rich bitches who don't care about anyone else other than promoting themselves. "Oh look what I did! Look how charitable I was! Isn't it great!"

Idiot. She can't really conceive that the community does not revolve around her. Not everyone wants to hear your crap, D.B. I choose to ignore you, thank you very much.

My favorite uplifting song came up on the random music generator. "Don't Dream It's Over" by Crowded House. That song and "Trapped" (Jimmy Cliff/Bruce Springsteen) were my songs during my teenage years.

I have faith that people like D.B. won't win in the long run. I believe in the underdog and protecting those who do not have a voice. I believe I have been protected and will continue to be... I was meant for something bigger. I was not born to live to die.

I am willing to learn despite the hard lessons. I'm gonna take it as it comes.

Autumn and my life cycle

Here it is: my happy poem, "An Ode to Autumn". Published in a community newsletter, slightly anonymized, but who cares. It's a start.

This poem chronicles a bit my experience in Switzerland over the last 9 years. I am getting a bit nostalgic as I approach my 10th anniversary in March 2013. Here's my (nearly) line-by-line breakdown:

• dusts, heroes of summer: think of "The Rising" Bruce Springsteen
• born: yes I mean literally. Some of the best people I know are born between Sept 21 and December 21, typical autumn in the Northern Hemisphere
• boys shooting: this refers to the autumnal festival called Knabbenschiessen, loosely translated as "boys shooting" in Zürich, where I lived for 5 years. The translation is quite funny. Recently though, a young Swiss girl has entered the competition and been a great success.
• Öpfelkiechli or (Öpfel Küchli): Swiss-German dialect for these lovely deep-fried battered apple rings at the Basel Autumn Fair, or Herbstmesse, coming soon end of October. Mmmm. There's a very specific stand, and a very specific lady who makes these. I won't eat any other!
• The bells of Switzerland: there are a lot. Not just church bells. Cow and sheep (and other mountain animals) bells, sleigh bells, door bells... I love them all. Saturday evening they ring for 10 minutes. Really. OK, church bells only.
• Been listening to a lot of R.E.M. lately. Three words from the album, Green (1988). Song: "You Are The Everything". Find it, buy it. Love it!

• OK, we didn't get married in Autumn, but we did get engaged. Friends of ours got married in Autumn. 
• I guess the ol' October 1st heating rule is quite old. Must also be a Zürich thing.
• Yeah, the Dragon / drago in Italian / Draco. Read what you will into that.
• There used to be a branch of the Swiss army that wore yellow berets.
• Yeah, there's always the end of year rush to get things done, not only in Switzerland, but everywhere. Post-its are like leaves...
• Odd use of winter as a "dénouement" is a bit circular ;)

I'm making my first recipe of pumpkin-apple strudel later on today. A variation of Jamie Oliver's Pumpkin Strudel but better. ;) Can't wait!!!

Week 15: Skip My Lou

Last week, it seemed I skipped a post.

No matter, I am sure not many of you were reading anyway. There are far more interesting things in life, on this great blue marble, than what goes on in my head, although I do prefer the Walter Mitty life. Confabulation, what a great word! I didn’t go to any visual arts shows, exhibits or performances but perhaps I can squeeze it in this week.

This week, I am supposed to work on Character Development, back to the main, core story that got me here in the first place. I like that/those stories, there’s a lot of confabulation around it, and a bit of Walter Mitty. And the multiples and bipolars have a field day. Maybe I can throw in some brain imaging blah blah. Why not? Strengthen the core. Back to the center, middle and what keeps us upright. Back to the basics.

Next week, I’ll revisit the plot. Maybe that’s where the story got stuck in the mud and didn’t drive forward.

Hmm! Should be an interesting few weeks then.

back from the dead

Hello World.

Again! Back from the dead, re-processed. No zombies this time round, eh?

Test, test and re-test. All processes need to be tested. To see if they are rigorous enough to handle all the crap that's out there, the impurities and what not. One has to stay involved, draw inspiration from the testing and get creative to solve the issue to improve the process. It's an never ending story. One needs strength also, not to just give up and scrap the whole thing and try to start anew again, although I am sure there are several Lonza chemical engineers who wished they could do just that. It's a commitment long-haul kind of thing, that at least the first principles are there, and the process just needs to be tweaked and honed based on the results of the tests.

Involvement. Commitment. Drive. Ambition. These things sometimes I find I am lacking, in my work life and in my personal life. I admire those who have it, I am proud of myself when I see it in me, but sometimes I can't be bothered. I'd rather just relax and goof off, not get involved, not commit, not set goals, not do it. I like being distracted for some reason, procrastination, even though deep inside I know that it is vital to my overall well-being and success that I have some level of involvement in things that are important to me and not let the world just wash over with what ever it wants to send me. How I handle Plan B? Involvement. Commitment. Maybe not so much ambition, but definitely drive. Lemons? Lemonade, and all that.

The trials that I've been going through lately have sorely tested my commitment and level of involvement to a fairly tedious and boring, but well paid (!) project. I've always said I don't care about the money, I just need something to be interesting and challenging and well, this project is neither. It's hard mostly because it is so unglamorous and uninteresting, but there is the problem I might not know exactly what I am doing. There are things I consider glamorous and interesting, but aren't so well paying... the other projects I have are medium level, interesting but not exactly glamorous either, but it's not hard for me because I know how.

Oh this is boring you isn't it?? What about my writing you say? what happened to the plan? the book? the stories? where are they? what's happening? the trials have sapped a lot of energy from me. I need to re-charge and get rid of these energy wasters, while I try to get back involved in my stuff: my writing, my commitment, my drive, my ambition inside of me. Even if I never make it big, at least I want to know I've tried hard hard hard, as hard as I've tried anything else before.

That's the kind of commitment I'm talking about. That's when I'll know I've fully re-invented myself.

Stay the course. Believe. The 3 P's. Patience. Perseverance. Persistence.

Process development basics

Today will be a short overview of process development, in the context of how one might go about re-inventing themselves.

As one might suspect, this would be far from a recipe-like, linear process, where you simply do one thing after another, and voila! you have completed the process and got what you want. True re-invention, although similar to invention or new product development (which can be quasi-linear), is a highly non-linear process. It is similar to the learning process of a baby to a child. Inputs you receive now may not be understood or processed until months or years later, when other inputs combine with the original input to produce a "productive" positive experience or output. The nature of the input may also affect the output, and intermediate feedback loops along the way will affect the output.

Let's assume we have some inputs and want some known, measurable outputs. We know our re-invention process is non-linear, but we want to impose a time frame on it just to say that the development, as we choose to define it, is finite. Say six months. Sounds a lot like goal-setting doesn't it? Yes, but I want to make sure you remember the process is fluid, not fixed steps on a ladder. You have to be flexible and adaptable to sense "good" & "bad" inputs or process streams that will affect your measurables.

The process I would like to adapt to fit my needs is a new product development process. I list the steps (some are more obvious and/or applicable than others):

1. Idea generation / Opportunity analysis
2. Idea screening / Defining target market
3. Concept development and testing
   
4. Business analysis / Competition and customer feedback
5. Beta testing and market testing (prototype)
6. Implementation (logistics, resources, contingencies)
7. Commercialization

Note these things can happen concurrently (at the same time) and should be open to change but able to minimize the cost of change by knowing the latest responsible moment an item can be changed ("go no-go" point). In software development, the buzz word is "agile" software development. I'll let your head buzz around that for a while....if you know any "agile" project managers, please have them write to me....

As you can see, there are a considerable number of steps even before we get to the prototype (item 5). Taking this in the context of the process of re-inventing myself, the new "prototype" if you will still needs some pre-work before I can even really visualize the prototype. I would say that some of this pre-work has been done, but not clearly written down or explained to someone else (say not even my boyfriend!!!)

So I have got my work cut out for me!! More to come next week...