Often we think of fixed points or processes -- things that will "never" change -- and set our paths by them. The Northern Star, the sun setting in the west, the moon moving around the Earth every 28 days or so. But here, at the 100-foot level, life is more fluid, un-fixed if you will. Philosophies change, fashion and music, all the way down to the molecular level, if we think in centuries and decades and years, instead of millennia and eons.
Our short time here on Earth then is always a work in progress - processes change, nothing is ever really final. "The only thing that remains the same is change" - except maybe the concepts of pure love and pure fear. The very extremes most of us understand very well, it's the huge spectrum in between that causes confusion. Always changing.
In this short life, there are no guarantees - we may wish for them - but reality is, that's not going to happen. That's the big "grow up" step we make at some point in our lives.
I found the poem below on my Facebook Likes, about learning and growing up. Strange, children talk about when they're all grown up -- when is that? Someone else said when you start doing the things you really love and feel alive -- that's when you start to feel alive. Another person says life begins at 40.
Perhaps all of these things are true, because I've haven't felt this alive since I was 15. Reawakening to your true self is so so amazing. I highly recommend it.
---
Author: Veronica A. Shoffstall
After a while
you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn love doesn't mean leaning and company doesn't always mean security.
And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't always promises
and you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and and your eyes ahead with the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child.
And you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.
After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much
So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers
And you learn that you really can endure, that you really are strong and you really do have worth and you learn and you learn
with every good-bye you learn.
Showing posts with label learning. Show all posts
Showing posts with label learning. Show all posts
Friday, November 30, 2012
Monday, January 26, 2009
Faulkner and Me: warning Long Post!
This week’s post touches on William Faulkner, and what I, as a hopeful author, can stand to learn from him and his critique. As you can see in the right hand panel, the “Book Quiz” puts me as “The Sound and the Fury”, one of Faulkner’s classics. In six short questions, the Quiz figured this out.
The odd thing is, well… on one hand -- it sounds a bit like a horoscope, too broad and too whimsical to be true -- on the other hand -- it fits me a bit too closely and is a bit eerie. The Quiz had a question whether I considered myself concise. I am the opposite of concise really, most of the time. What irks me then, is that “They” (the critics) say Faulkner is long-winded and verbose. But how did he manage to write short stories? Are they lacking or wanting of else somehow? Perhaps. Perhaps not.
I did some thinking and research on this Faulkner book and how I can place it within context of my journey. I distinctly remember the cover (shown on the right) and that at least I borrowed it from the library at one point in my teenage years. Perhaps, it was even the “next” book to read in the library book club. I think that’s more likely, as I only have wisps of memory of the well-lit basement room where we had the club readings, and the boy I secretly liked was also there. However, when I read the plot lines of “The Sound and the Fury” on various sites, it seems that I never actually got around to reading it. Hmm.
The Book Quiz seemed true to the general sense of the plot and the background from the story. The title may come from the famous “Tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow” quote from Shakespeare's MacBeth (here’s the link). Nevertheless, this Quiz result made me challenge myself because although I might be poorly understood and conflicted, I don’t intend to “signify nothing” when whatever here is done. No one does. It ties me back to the belief that “No man [one] is a failure who has Friends” the written message from Clarence to George Bailey….anyway we’ll save that thought for another time.
Instead of reading “The Sound and the Fury” for this week (it is long ☺ ), I’ve opted to read a Faulkner short story. (Since my goal is now to focus on short story, and I’ve been told many times that I am long-winded in my writing).
My task was to read “That Evening Sun” by William Faulkner, and break it down, answer a few questions. It’s not easy to critique a story without context. (You can find some here.)
However, I can say that the story was short in the sense it left me wondering so much, what really happened here. It takes you back to the title, sort of that twilight time where nothing is really clear. Page wise, the story is long -- mainly because dialogue was used extensively -- the children talked, showing their naivety, the conversations between the adults, showing that they were talking around the children, never really addressing what was happening.
In the anthology I have, Faulkner’s story was a whopping 22 pages, compared with seven pages for another American writer, E.A. Poe’s “The Masque of the Red Death”, which is classic concise prose with little dialogue. Overall, I wasn’t really drawn into the Faulkner story, but it passed the time, waiting for dinner to finish cooking. I was distracted by language used, and didn’t quite “get it”, what the author was trying to convey, other than a snapshot of a small Mississippi town some time in the early 1920’s.
Upon re-reading and with my dissection tools, I do like the quick slight-of-hand tactic of “fifteen years ago” to even further distance the indifference to the plight and presumed irrationality of the main character. I understand more how the language of the story is real and comes about from the context -- the time frame the story was written versus my own 21st century view. I can’t readily agree with it being the best story about the tensions and problems in Mississippi, as it tackles it from a distance, rather than head on. But, perhaps that is what’s special and unique about Faulkner. He is able to take this rather touchy subject and show it in a softer new light -- through the dialogue of children -- without losing the main point of the snapshot. That could be what makes the piece more timeless and readable. The indifference that the Whites showed the Blacks in this time period in America remains clear.
Yes, I’d like to write about some touchy subjects, and what I find is myself holding back. But if I can find that angle, that somehow takes that sharpness off for the reader, then I can write about these taboos and still show my snapshot. That’s important, and the more important lesson from Faulkner -- to keep writing the truth.
Next week: some house-keeping with a list of magazines that I want to query and try to get my stories published there.
Word Count: 865
The odd thing is, well… on one hand -- it sounds a bit like a horoscope, too broad and too whimsical to be true -- on the other hand -- it fits me a bit too closely and is a bit eerie. The Quiz had a question whether I considered myself concise. I am the opposite of concise really, most of the time. What irks me then, is that “They” (the critics) say Faulkner is long-winded and verbose. But how did he manage to write short stories? Are they lacking or wanting of else somehow? Perhaps. Perhaps not.
I did some thinking and research on this Faulkner book and how I can place it within context of my journey. I distinctly remember the cover (shown on the right) and that at least I borrowed it from the library at one point in my teenage years. Perhaps, it was even the “next” book to read in the library book club. I think that’s more likely, as I only have wisps of memory of the well-lit basement room where we had the club readings, and the boy I secretly liked was also there. However, when I read the plot lines of “The Sound and the Fury” on various sites, it seems that I never actually got around to reading it. Hmm.
The Book Quiz seemed true to the general sense of the plot and the background from the story. The title may come from the famous “Tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow” quote from Shakespeare's MacBeth (here’s the link). Nevertheless, this Quiz result made me challenge myself because although I might be poorly understood and conflicted, I don’t intend to “signify nothing” when whatever here is done. No one does. It ties me back to the belief that “No man [one] is a failure who has Friends” the written message from Clarence to George Bailey….anyway we’ll save that thought for another time.
Instead of reading “The Sound and the Fury” for this week (it is long ☺ ), I’ve opted to read a Faulkner short story. (Since my goal is now to focus on short story, and I’ve been told many times that I am long-winded in my writing).
My task was to read “That Evening Sun” by William Faulkner, and break it down, answer a few questions. It’s not easy to critique a story without context. (You can find some here.)
However, I can say that the story was short in the sense it left me wondering so much, what really happened here. It takes you back to the title, sort of that twilight time where nothing is really clear. Page wise, the story is long -- mainly because dialogue was used extensively -- the children talked, showing their naivety, the conversations between the adults, showing that they were talking around the children, never really addressing what was happening.
In the anthology I have, Faulkner’s story was a whopping 22 pages, compared with seven pages for another American writer, E.A. Poe’s “The Masque of the Red Death”, which is classic concise prose with little dialogue. Overall, I wasn’t really drawn into the Faulkner story, but it passed the time, waiting for dinner to finish cooking. I was distracted by language used, and didn’t quite “get it”, what the author was trying to convey, other than a snapshot of a small Mississippi town some time in the early 1920’s.
Upon re-reading and with my dissection tools, I do like the quick slight-of-hand tactic of “fifteen years ago” to even further distance the indifference to the plight and presumed irrationality of the main character. I understand more how the language of the story is real and comes about from the context -- the time frame the story was written versus my own 21st century view. I can’t readily agree with it being the best story about the tensions and problems in Mississippi, as it tackles it from a distance, rather than head on. But, perhaps that is what’s special and unique about Faulkner. He is able to take this rather touchy subject and show it in a softer new light -- through the dialogue of children -- without losing the main point of the snapshot. That could be what makes the piece more timeless and readable. The indifference that the Whites showed the Blacks in this time period in America remains clear.
Yes, I’d like to write about some touchy subjects, and what I find is myself holding back. But if I can find that angle, that somehow takes that sharpness off for the reader, then I can write about these taboos and still show my snapshot. That’s important, and the more important lesson from Faulkner -- to keep writing the truth.
Next week: some house-keeping with a list of magazines that I want to query and try to get my stories published there.
Word Count: 865
Monday, January 19, 2009
Nerds and Progress
You know the feeling of being sucked into a good story? A really good story? Something that you’d stay up all night to finish reading? That’s what I felt like last week.
I've been learning about Mac Software and OS X, programming and the like. It’s like meeting up with a long lost friend. I used to know so much stuff about coding, programming, and how to do things in UNIX and fixing/making stuff work. It seems I am in this pattern though:
“Oh dear. I am a nerd. I think I am going back to nerd-dom. Ooo, software. Oooo, programming. Oooo, code. You will do what I want! You will obey my Authority!!”
Worse, I am a narcissistic nerd. Hence, the need to say “Look at me, me, me!!!”
Well, if you don’t like it, too bad. This is me. This is what you’ve fallen in love with. I may change over time (hence re-invention) but the core package is still the same.
I lost my passion for programming and control a long time ago, but definitely when I got sucked into the world of biomedicine circa 1996. I was focusing on the somewhat interesting human body with its complex control systems, but it was really about the technology I was more interested. I am more interested in how my blood glucose meter works and the technology behind it, than the stupid reading that comes out and what it means for my “lifestyle change”.
What’s wrong with being a nerd? Nerds are just passionate about things that most normal people are not passionate about. Electronics, systems design, web design and databases (information management), content -- technology and communication of technology... I like these things. I weave them into my stories. In a sense I am writing more science fiction than, say “chick lit”. Perhaps it is also why Google Blog people think my writing style is predominantly “Male”. So what?
I am through with caring what other people think. I just want “to feel some rhythm” and develop my passions. I know I am not alone -- there are other nerds out there too who want and need my ability to communicate their stories. So that’s what I’m seeking -- to boldly seek out these life forms…
Progress update:
Word count: 495
I've been learning about Mac Software and OS X, programming and the like. It’s like meeting up with a long lost friend. I used to know so much stuff about coding, programming, and how to do things in UNIX and fixing/making stuff work. It seems I am in this pattern though:
“Oh dear. I am a nerd. I think I am going back to nerd-dom. Ooo, software. Oooo, programming. Oooo, code. You will do what I want! You will obey my Authority!!”
Worse, I am a narcissistic nerd. Hence, the need to say “Look at me, me, me!!!”
Well, if you don’t like it, too bad. This is me. This is what you’ve fallen in love with. I may change over time (hence re-invention) but the core package is still the same.
I lost my passion for programming and control a long time ago, but definitely when I got sucked into the world of biomedicine circa 1996. I was focusing on the somewhat interesting human body with its complex control systems, but it was really about the technology I was more interested. I am more interested in how my blood glucose meter works and the technology behind it, than the stupid reading that comes out and what it means for my “lifestyle change”.
What’s wrong with being a nerd? Nerds are just passionate about things that most normal people are not passionate about. Electronics, systems design, web design and databases (information management), content -- technology and communication of technology... I like these things. I weave them into my stories. In a sense I am writing more science fiction than, say “chick lit”. Perhaps it is also why Google Blog people think my writing style is predominantly “Male”. So what?
I am through with caring what other people think. I just want “to feel some rhythm” and develop my passions. I know I am not alone -- there are other nerds out there too who want and need my ability to communicate their stories. So that’s what I’m seeking -- to boldly seek out these life forms…
Progress update:
- new contest list for 2009 developing
- decision point: focus on short story writing / publishing instead of novels
- set and meet word count goals for the week: this week is 1500 words / day = 7500 words
- scheduling: edit & other work in afternoons
- refreshed list of specific projects to complete and start sending out again
- learn new things on business side (web content)
Word count: 495
Monday, December 15, 2008
Confident? So what? The truly delusional have it the hard way.
I am struck by the thought that a lot of great business ideas and processes fail because mainly, because people lose confidence in the process or the person behind the idea.
Confidence. Not because the process or idea is scientifically / statistically / mechanically unsound or the idea is wacky and out of the world of normality of life and business... confidence. Of course there are some drugs and devices that should have never gone so far to testing in humans, and for the most part, the scientific peer review process has borne them out. Confidence. Faith in the system.
When we lose faith in the system, yeah, we know, things get really awry. Paranoia, skepticism, negative feedback and depression. If confidence and growth go hand in hand in, then, the reverse would be true, lack of confidence and depression go together. We see this in economics, stock markets, for profits and non-profits, family units, and in our personal health. Businesses are made of people, with all their quirks and faults and over- and under-confidences.... and each one is unique...
So what? So what?? Why should I care about if I am confident or not?? There is no ONE answer, there is no ONE process that suits all. Faith has to be multi-lingual multi-faceted in order for us to survive. Anyone who believes that there is just ONE way for anything, well, in my belief, is delusional. Oh well. Sucks to be him!
Confidence doesn't just mean faith in ONE process, it means faith that it all (what ever IT ALL is) will work out, no matter what. No worries. You can't fail! With that attitude and your own unique brand of confidence, well, the world is your oyster! The delusional as I call them, fail without even trying very hard, as their attitude is their first barrier.
I like the idea of my own unique brand, as it's different from your version of confidence and so I don't have to compare notes. Our assumptions are different at a subtle micro-level. So we can't be compared, only lumped together like statistics. I refuse to be simply a statistic!!
There's another definition of delusional -- those over-confident people you may see them -- Type As usually who go forth and can't learn from their mistakes. Remember, mistakes ARE NOT FAILURES! Not learning from your mistakes is the only true failure. Analysis of where the process (thing or person) can make mistakes (failure mode effects analysis) is a learning tool. Having this information and not using it, well, that's delusional and that's a FAIL.
Enough of this. I'm hungry. Time for lunch.
Confidence. Not because the process or idea is scientifically / statistically / mechanically unsound or the idea is wacky and out of the world of normality of life and business... confidence. Of course there are some drugs and devices that should have never gone so far to testing in humans, and for the most part, the scientific peer review process has borne them out. Confidence. Faith in the system.
When we lose faith in the system, yeah, we know, things get really awry. Paranoia, skepticism, negative feedback and depression. If confidence and growth go hand in hand in, then, the reverse would be true, lack of confidence and depression go together. We see this in economics, stock markets, for profits and non-profits, family units, and in our personal health. Businesses are made of people, with all their quirks and faults and over- and under-confidences.... and each one is unique...
So what? So what?? Why should I care about if I am confident or not?? There is no ONE answer, there is no ONE process that suits all. Faith has to be multi-lingual multi-faceted in order for us to survive. Anyone who believes that there is just ONE way for anything, well, in my belief, is delusional. Oh well. Sucks to be him!
Confidence doesn't just mean faith in ONE process, it means faith that it all (what ever IT ALL is) will work out, no matter what. No worries. You can't fail! With that attitude and your own unique brand of confidence, well, the world is your oyster! The delusional as I call them, fail without even trying very hard, as their attitude is their first barrier.
I like the idea of my own unique brand, as it's different from your version of confidence and so I don't have to compare notes. Our assumptions are different at a subtle micro-level. So we can't be compared, only lumped together like statistics. I refuse to be simply a statistic!!
There's another definition of delusional -- those over-confident people you may see them -- Type As usually who go forth and can't learn from their mistakes. Remember, mistakes ARE NOT FAILURES! Not learning from your mistakes is the only true failure. Analysis of where the process (thing or person) can make mistakes (failure mode effects analysis) is a learning tool. Having this information and not using it, well, that's delusional and that's a FAIL.
Enough of this. I'm hungry. Time for lunch.
Friday, December 5, 2008
happy
We have a tree in our house! It is stringed up with lights, tinsel, some small ornaments (cat toys apparently!), and a little angel on top. I've set it up on a timer so it goes on in the evenings, off sometime in the night so it is a soothing night light too, then on again for breakfast, off again for work. Today is however another cloudy gloomy cold morning. I have my coffee and am ready for the morning's writing tasks.
Joy. Joy is different from happiness. Joy entails a sense of deep (preferably conscious) gratefulness, of being alive and able. Happiness is just a extension of joy and the expression / sharing of it comes in our actions and words. I get great joy from just being here. In darkness and in light, those "switches" and timings have been carefully orchestrated to bring me where I am today. It is up to me how I interpret the events. I choose to interpret them in happiness, as it improves my mood, and my writing, and of course eventually, my overall health.
Joy. I am re-invented. I will continue to re-invent towards my ultimate goal -- of being a published author of a fiction piece -- but this initiation process to me seems to be complete. I just have to keep steady on and doing what I know I need to be doing. Writing, reading, scanning markets, editing, and submitting. Second piece, getting feedback and learning from it.
There's a lot of doom and gloom out there nowadays. Financial crisis, housing crisis, unemployment. But one can and must find joy in living, and enjoy life no matter what it throws at you. Lemons and lemonade. Never stop asking. Know thyself and that self is fundamentally GOOD. No matter what anyone else thinks. Life should be fun even if there is no money or drink or food. That's a positive mentality against desperation. When your number's up... well... there's only so much you can do about it! So why fret? Enjoy life, every last second, good to the last drop!
No word prompts today... will keep it for next week. Yesterday I tried to write about death and funerals. I had some trouble with that. I've actually never been to a funeral myself, only watched them on TV. I've seen mourners in real life, but never so far was touched by it directly. You can say I've been extremely naive or lucky, depending how you want tot look at it. But at least I have some support network in place now, that when the inevitable does happen, I'll be able to cope.
We'll probably hit the Christmas markets this weekend with some friends of ours. I'm looking forward to the gluhwein :-) have a nice one!
Joy. Joy is different from happiness. Joy entails a sense of deep (preferably conscious) gratefulness, of being alive and able. Happiness is just a extension of joy and the expression / sharing of it comes in our actions and words. I get great joy from just being here. In darkness and in light, those "switches" and timings have been carefully orchestrated to bring me where I am today. It is up to me how I interpret the events. I choose to interpret them in happiness, as it improves my mood, and my writing, and of course eventually, my overall health.
Joy. I am re-invented. I will continue to re-invent towards my ultimate goal -- of being a published author of a fiction piece -- but this initiation process to me seems to be complete. I just have to keep steady on and doing what I know I need to be doing. Writing, reading, scanning markets, editing, and submitting. Second piece, getting feedback and learning from it.
There's a lot of doom and gloom out there nowadays. Financial crisis, housing crisis, unemployment. But one can and must find joy in living, and enjoy life no matter what it throws at you. Lemons and lemonade. Never stop asking. Know thyself and that self is fundamentally GOOD. No matter what anyone else thinks. Life should be fun even if there is no money or drink or food. That's a positive mentality against desperation. When your number's up... well... there's only so much you can do about it! So why fret? Enjoy life, every last second, good to the last drop!
No word prompts today... will keep it for next week. Yesterday I tried to write about death and funerals. I had some trouble with that. I've actually never been to a funeral myself, only watched them on TV. I've seen mourners in real life, but never so far was touched by it directly. You can say I've been extremely naive or lucky, depending how you want tot look at it. But at least I have some support network in place now, that when the inevitable does happen, I'll be able to cope.
We'll probably hit the Christmas markets this weekend with some friends of ours. I'm looking forward to the gluhwein :-) have a nice one!
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
back on the horse
Feeling better today, cold is almost completely gone. Taking it easy, getting back on the horse so to speak.
Lots of ideas floating around and on paper, electronic form. Following through is hard. I remember all the great fantastic ideas I had when a lab rat. It's true though, you can't do them all, even if you were the most thorough methodical person in the world. You have to pick and choose which one will be most likely successful, and have a good thought process behind it. It's all about choices and keeping / staying positive. Sometimes you have to decide with not enough information. That's brave. It's what we all have to do. And we can't regret our decisions, because there are just too many decisions to make. No second guessing.
Today I am back on the horse, and also have to refresh my publication plans. Not much time until the end of the year, and I feel like I haven't achieved much. Well, I have to carry on and not drown myself in sorrow or pity for time or opportunities lost / missed. It just wasn't meant to be.
I am exactly where I want to be. Exactly where I should be. I haven't lost anything I have learned lots even though it doesn't look like it on paper.
I enjoy life. I enjoy my work. I enjoy my home, my friends, my love, my cats, my writing, my editing, my freedom. I enjoy walking and eating. I enjoy learning about the place I live and its culture. I want this place to succeed as much as I do.
I want to be healthy again so I can enjoy more things. I am starting to understand and appreciate at a deeper level what motivates me and perhaps more importantly, what does not. I need to stay in peace with myself, as it is hard to fall off the horse constantly and get back on again. To get back to the same rhythm takes time. I need to also make some effort to get others important in my life to understand and appreciate that -- I need this, I need to do this and take the time.
Oh, dear Reader. Thanks so much for listening to my babblings. :-) Will work on some writing prompts I've collected, and reading more this few weeks before I have travel plans and more getting off the horse... I have to learn to go with the flow AND find my rhythm at the same time.
Lots of ideas floating around and on paper, electronic form. Following through is hard. I remember all the great fantastic ideas I had when a lab rat. It's true though, you can't do them all, even if you were the most thorough methodical person in the world. You have to pick and choose which one will be most likely successful, and have a good thought process behind it. It's all about choices and keeping / staying positive. Sometimes you have to decide with not enough information. That's brave. It's what we all have to do. And we can't regret our decisions, because there are just too many decisions to make. No second guessing.
Today I am back on the horse, and also have to refresh my publication plans. Not much time until the end of the year, and I feel like I haven't achieved much. Well, I have to carry on and not drown myself in sorrow or pity for time or opportunities lost / missed. It just wasn't meant to be.
I am exactly where I want to be. Exactly where I should be. I haven't lost anything I have learned lots even though it doesn't look like it on paper.
I enjoy life. I enjoy my work. I enjoy my home, my friends, my love, my cats, my writing, my editing, my freedom. I enjoy walking and eating. I enjoy learning about the place I live and its culture. I want this place to succeed as much as I do.
I want to be healthy again so I can enjoy more things. I am starting to understand and appreciate at a deeper level what motivates me and perhaps more importantly, what does not. I need to stay in peace with myself, as it is hard to fall off the horse constantly and get back on again. To get back to the same rhythm takes time. I need to also make some effort to get others important in my life to understand and appreciate that -- I need this, I need to do this and take the time.
Oh, dear Reader. Thanks so much for listening to my babblings. :-) Will work on some writing prompts I've collected, and reading more this few weeks before I have travel plans and more getting off the horse... I have to learn to go with the flow AND find my rhythm at the same time.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
"man the dope's that there's still hope"
Was watching an episode of House last night (probably an old series for you). The one with the magician who swallowed a key, and it turned in his intestines when he went into the MRI unit. Magnets shmagnets. The key was tiny!
Anyway, one of House's recruits was a bit hypochondriac about the possibility she had Huntington's disease, since her mother died at a early age of the disease. Basically its a neuromotor disease similar to Parkinson's and strongly genetically linked (50% chance if one parent had died from it). The woman never got tested to see if she would be likely to develop the disease. Why? Not knowing gave her hope. She could confidently do things like learning to fly and all other motor-cognitive activities she wanted to do (like being a doctor). Her premise at the end was revealed-- questions are asked in medicine and most of the time you can get an answer or do a differential diagnosis by running some test. But when there are no more answers left, then one loses hope. There is no cure for Huntington's. But she wanted to still have her hope until that day she becomes truly symptomatic.
Maybe that's for the best. To NOT know the answer. It gives us hope. You can't have it both ways, to worry about something that's out of your control, and have hope at the same time. Be happy then, have hope. Tough to be a scientist, who needs to explain away the magic, but much easier to be a doctor. Or a writer, or an artist.
Oh there's just so much to say so little time! Will write about my weekly mantra tomorrow.
Anyway, one of House's recruits was a bit hypochondriac about the possibility she had Huntington's disease, since her mother died at a early age of the disease. Basically its a neuromotor disease similar to Parkinson's and strongly genetically linked (50% chance if one parent had died from it). The woman never got tested to see if she would be likely to develop the disease. Why? Not knowing gave her hope. She could confidently do things like learning to fly and all other motor-cognitive activities she wanted to do (like being a doctor). Her premise at the end was revealed-- questions are asked in medicine and most of the time you can get an answer or do a differential diagnosis by running some test. But when there are no more answers left, then one loses hope. There is no cure for Huntington's. But she wanted to still have her hope until that day she becomes truly symptomatic.
Maybe that's for the best. To NOT know the answer. It gives us hope. You can't have it both ways, to worry about something that's out of your control, and have hope at the same time. Be happy then, have hope. Tough to be a scientist, who needs to explain away the magic, but much easier to be a doctor. Or a writer, or an artist.
Oh there's just so much to say so little time! Will write about my weekly mantra tomorrow.
Monday, August 18, 2008
thoughts for today - this week - this life (warning long post!!)
We are just people trying to get along... get on with life, its ups and downs, its wastes and disappointments, its boredom, and excitements. Who is to say one's talents is wasted? It takes hard work to develop a talent. Patience, perseverance, and persistence. If you really feel you've got a message to send out, it will come with only hard work.
One person can have many talents, they just don't know or realize it soon enough to do anything about it. I would argue that yes, sometimes it is too late. For example, sports talent is only for the young. The talent can only be developed when you are young. You don't see anyone older than 30 or 35 competing for money in any major sport. The rest, do it for fun and social reasons...really. Sports teach you things, intangible things that are transferable into a non-sports life. So learning is for life, even if sports aren't. I just don't understand parents who don't want their son or daughter to be involved in team sports at any age. It's fun! It develops social skills!! Sports develops kids in ways language and maths can't!! Studying is not fun. All work and no play makes Jack and Jill dull girls and boys.
Anyway, back to the mind and making a living. I'll concede that less than 1% of the population can make a living or have a life of Sports only, simply because the body just can't do it. At some point, they must retire. Whether that is at 16, 25 or 35 depends on the person and the sport. What happens after that is how the mind developed when they were younger... but the best sales people and politicians are mindless, instead they use their social skills. :-)
However, people who are both right-brained and left-brained are gifted and their talents don't waste away with age as easily as with sports. They are extremely talented but also extremely volatile. Guidance is difficult as they will always think they know best what is good for them. So things will get wasted. Hard work will go un-rewarded. But who is defining what "is wasted"?
This is the most callous thoughtless remark. "Don't waste your life". What in the world does this mean? If the person in question isn't a druggie, alcoholic, or other abuser, then anything they do will not be a waste. If the person is a doctor and for some reason can not practice, they will find something else productive to do, even if it doesn't save lives or generate tons of money. These "don't waste your life"-ers simply don't understand the interconnectedness of all things. It is a long running computer program and the bugs are still being worked out, so some waste is to be expected and not everything is going to be recycleable.
Perfection is not necessary, but hard work is. What is it that I would love to work at, hard work at? The answers and themes that keeps coming up to me now are... history, philosophy, art, human rights, writing, literature. Maths and engineering and medical devices seem to me just a hobby in comparison now. Any talent I've had for this previously seems to be leaving me as I can't remember stuff too much, I would have to go back and learn it all over again. That's the beauty of the mind, it is much more trainable than the body... but it may have its limits. Then again, now and then, you hear of 90 year olds doing amazing fantastic things... granted they much less than 1% of the population... I am somewhere in the average bell curve nowadays...
Sure I could work at a company, in research, communications, or manufacturing, and make good money. But I would be bored. I guess a lot of people out there are bored. Are they wasting their life? No, from one point of view. They are doing what they were trained to do, what they went to school for, what so many people supported them and sacrificed for them to be able to succeed. Ah, so it is about this prior sacrifice, eh? Not about the person in question.
Wars were fought so squeaky kids could speak their mind and have freedom, not to be told what to do and who to love and where to live. Lots of people died and sacrificed their lives and livelihoods. Sacrifice is everywhere in all of history of all of mankind. Whose dreams will live and whose will be sacrificed? What about happiness in all of this? Do we sacrifice our own happiness to make others happy? Is that our choice? Isn't that also a waste?
Perhaps we need to have perspective, away from this concept of "waste". That there is no right or wrong, there is no solution. No one will judge us, we judge ourselves with our conscience and character. Some who clearly do wrong in the international arena, believe themselves that they are doing the right thing for themselves.
Will we be judged in an afterlife? I think not. I am inclined to believe in a benevolent force of living people, not a fictitious external ethereal all-knowing all-powerful being. I think the all-knowing could be here on Earth, if we all (all 6 billion of us) worked together for common goals -- peace, non-violence, non-competition, non-greed.
Yeah, I am turning into a hippie again! I like that me. I am learning to love me again. This is becoming one of the best parts of this re-invention process -- to learn to be me and not worry about what others think or how much waste there is. Listen to Bruce Springsteen. "The Price You Pay"....Tear it down and throw it away.
One person can have many talents, they just don't know or realize it soon enough to do anything about it. I would argue that yes, sometimes it is too late. For example, sports talent is only for the young. The talent can only be developed when you are young. You don't see anyone older than 30 or 35 competing for money in any major sport. The rest, do it for fun and social reasons...really. Sports teach you things, intangible things that are transferable into a non-sports life. So learning is for life, even if sports aren't. I just don't understand parents who don't want their son or daughter to be involved in team sports at any age. It's fun! It develops social skills!! Sports develops kids in ways language and maths can't!! Studying is not fun. All work and no play makes Jack and Jill dull girls and boys.
Anyway, back to the mind and making a living. I'll concede that less than 1% of the population can make a living or have a life of Sports only, simply because the body just can't do it. At some point, they must retire. Whether that is at 16, 25 or 35 depends on the person and the sport. What happens after that is how the mind developed when they were younger... but the best sales people and politicians are mindless, instead they use their social skills. :-)
However, people who are both right-brained and left-brained are gifted and their talents don't waste away with age as easily as with sports. They are extremely talented but also extremely volatile. Guidance is difficult as they will always think they know best what is good for them. So things will get wasted. Hard work will go un-rewarded. But who is defining what "is wasted"?
This is the most callous thoughtless remark. "Don't waste your life". What in the world does this mean? If the person in question isn't a druggie, alcoholic, or other abuser, then anything they do will not be a waste. If the person is a doctor and for some reason can not practice, they will find something else productive to do, even if it doesn't save lives or generate tons of money. These "don't waste your life"-ers simply don't understand the interconnectedness of all things. It is a long running computer program and the bugs are still being worked out, so some waste is to be expected and not everything is going to be recycleable.
Perfection is not necessary, but hard work is. What is it that I would love to work at, hard work at? The answers and themes that keeps coming up to me now are... history, philosophy, art, human rights, writing, literature. Maths and engineering and medical devices seem to me just a hobby in comparison now. Any talent I've had for this previously seems to be leaving me as I can't remember stuff too much, I would have to go back and learn it all over again. That's the beauty of the mind, it is much more trainable than the body... but it may have its limits. Then again, now and then, you hear of 90 year olds doing amazing fantastic things... granted they much less than 1% of the population... I am somewhere in the average bell curve nowadays...
Sure I could work at a company, in research, communications, or manufacturing, and make good money. But I would be bored. I guess a lot of people out there are bored. Are they wasting their life? No, from one point of view. They are doing what they were trained to do, what they went to school for, what so many people supported them and sacrificed for them to be able to succeed. Ah, so it is about this prior sacrifice, eh? Not about the person in question.
Wars were fought so squeaky kids could speak their mind and have freedom, not to be told what to do and who to love and where to live. Lots of people died and sacrificed their lives and livelihoods. Sacrifice is everywhere in all of history of all of mankind. Whose dreams will live and whose will be sacrificed? What about happiness in all of this? Do we sacrifice our own happiness to make others happy? Is that our choice? Isn't that also a waste?
Perhaps we need to have perspective, away from this concept of "waste". That there is no right or wrong, there is no solution. No one will judge us, we judge ourselves with our conscience and character. Some who clearly do wrong in the international arena, believe themselves that they are doing the right thing for themselves.
Will we be judged in an afterlife? I think not. I am inclined to believe in a benevolent force of living people, not a fictitious external ethereal all-knowing all-powerful being. I think the all-knowing could be here on Earth, if we all (all 6 billion of us) worked together for common goals -- peace, non-violence, non-competition, non-greed.
Yeah, I am turning into a hippie again! I like that me. I am learning to love me again. This is becoming one of the best parts of this re-invention process -- to learn to be me and not worry about what others think or how much waste there is. Listen to Bruce Springsteen. "The Price You Pay"....Tear it down and throw it away.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
You know... (warning! long post!)
I've never thought about my problem-solving and troubleshooting skills as something special.
I just do what has to be done within the constraints of the problem. It's not a fixed process or anything in my mind that I do systematically. I know scientists who are painfully methodological, and can't see outside the box they've created for themselves. Sometimes you just can't remove all other variables (or keep them constant) and just vary the test variable. Sometimes you just don't know all the variables. How on earth can such a painful approach be cost-effective or realistic? But perhaps there's something to my skills, something I should consider as special, because there are so many books out there selling "total quality management" and "continuous improvement" process to improve one's products, services, and management techniques.
Now after a few days of considering a specific problem, and trying to find a written "bona fide" process that fits the description of how I solved it, I realized I might be a maverick (or a mad engineer). Perhaps it's out there, I just haven't found it yet.
I seem to have an innate knack of process definition and control, and can see when a system is out of order and fix it. I never thought of it as a process, but perhaps it is. A process then, is something that is more or less repeatable under similar circumstances, given variables X, Y, Z, input the process will output A, B, and C. (desired output(s), undesired outputs -- i.e. impurities and waste)). Ok, this is chemical engineering at its best. Of course A, B, and C have an optimal yield and each level has its costs. And getting rid of waste has its costs. Defining the process and defining when the process is out of specification (i.e. poor quality) is a business necessity and may not apply to simple challenges or "troubleshooting", such as those one may have around the house or in re-engineering/re-invention work.
I may not be as disciplined as a servo-mechanism or computer control system, but I know my systems and what it can measure and what it can not, what it can do and what it can't, what I can change, and what I can not, and how each one of the possible changes / measurements may or may affect the process output. I guess at the moment though, you could say that the "process of re-invention" is out of specification and some control (i.e. discipline) needs to be put on it so it comes back to its intended output.
Ah, then we have to come back to the philosophical side: What is Quality anyway? It's only how you define it in your process. Can you really measure 100% accuracy? No. Because it doesn't exist. Any statistician or mathematician worth his weight will tell you that. You can only ASSURE something with a certain probability is 'error-free' or within specification to a point. Say 10^(-6) assurance, that's 0.000001, I think, chance in 100 events. Say you have 10 million possible events: then with the above assurance level, 1 event will be out of specification. That's not bad at all. But of course if you are the one patient with that one failed device... well sucks to be you.
Quality in everyday life, is how you define it. I usually operate around 20-50% failure rate, depending on the subject or event. That's acceptable to me. I start to worry when I have a 99.9% failure rate, especially when it comes to publishing my writing. Ah, but then you only need one big break... you gotta play to win, so to speak.
For further reading on what is Quality please see "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance".... apparently it was rejected over 450 times....
Anyway, my Re-Invention Process is out of control and out of spec. What do I intend to do about it? Do the best I can to get it back on line. There are other factors that I didn't consider and other players now want a piece of me (not paranoid really). Life happens. I've built enough padding into the process to allow for the major deviations. Things change. I ain't gonna get my panties in a wad. :-)
Now that's a pretty picture. Don't want to leave you with just that image.
It's a special talent to be able to critically think, problem solve, and troubleshoot. It's management on the fly. The best managers are ones who seem to solve a problem with a "win-win" solution at least 70-90% of the time, without letting anyone see them sweat. At the end of the day, you gotta live with yourself (and hopefully like yourself), be able sleep at night with your process control definitions and decisions. You gotta know what you want, when you want it, and at what conditions. You gotta have negotiables, and non-negotiables. You gotta have a good attitude about life, your work, and your processes -- whether mental, financial, physical, written down or in your head -- and realize you are in the greatest process of all -- the Learning Process. You can't stop that one!
I just do what has to be done within the constraints of the problem. It's not a fixed process or anything in my mind that I do systematically. I know scientists who are painfully methodological, and can't see outside the box they've created for themselves. Sometimes you just can't remove all other variables (or keep them constant) and just vary the test variable. Sometimes you just don't know all the variables. How on earth can such a painful approach be cost-effective or realistic? But perhaps there's something to my skills, something I should consider as special, because there are so many books out there selling "total quality management" and "continuous improvement" process to improve one's products, services, and management techniques.
Now after a few days of considering a specific problem, and trying to find a written "bona fide" process that fits the description of how I solved it, I realized I might be a maverick (or a mad engineer). Perhaps it's out there, I just haven't found it yet.
I seem to have an innate knack of process definition and control, and can see when a system is out of order and fix it. I never thought of it as a process, but perhaps it is. A process then, is something that is more or less repeatable under similar circumstances, given variables X, Y, Z, input the process will output A, B, and C. (desired output(s), undesired outputs -- i.e. impurities and waste)). Ok, this is chemical engineering at its best. Of course A, B, and C have an optimal yield and each level has its costs. And getting rid of waste has its costs. Defining the process and defining when the process is out of specification (i.e. poor quality) is a business necessity and may not apply to simple challenges or "troubleshooting", such as those one may have around the house or in re-engineering/re-invention work.
I may not be as disciplined as a servo-mechanism or computer control system, but I know my systems and what it can measure and what it can not, what it can do and what it can't, what I can change, and what I can not, and how each one of the possible changes / measurements may or may affect the process output. I guess at the moment though, you could say that the "process of re-invention" is out of specification and some control (i.e. discipline) needs to be put on it so it comes back to its intended output.
Ah, then we have to come back to the philosophical side: What is Quality anyway? It's only how you define it in your process. Can you really measure 100% accuracy? No. Because it doesn't exist. Any statistician or mathematician worth his weight will tell you that. You can only ASSURE something with a certain probability is 'error-free' or within specification to a point. Say 10^(-6) assurance, that's 0.000001, I think, chance in 100 events. Say you have 10 million possible events: then with the above assurance level, 1 event will be out of specification. That's not bad at all. But of course if you are the one patient with that one failed device... well sucks to be you.
Quality in everyday life, is how you define it. I usually operate around 20-50% failure rate, depending on the subject or event. That's acceptable to me. I start to worry when I have a 99.9% failure rate, especially when it comes to publishing my writing. Ah, but then you only need one big break... you gotta play to win, so to speak.
For further reading on what is Quality please see "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance".... apparently it was rejected over 450 times....
Anyway, my Re-Invention Process is out of control and out of spec. What do I intend to do about it? Do the best I can to get it back on line. There are other factors that I didn't consider and other players now want a piece of me (not paranoid really). Life happens. I've built enough padding into the process to allow for the major deviations. Things change. I ain't gonna get my panties in a wad. :-)
Now that's a pretty picture. Don't want to leave you with just that image.
It's a special talent to be able to critically think, problem solve, and troubleshoot. It's management on the fly. The best managers are ones who seem to solve a problem with a "win-win" solution at least 70-90% of the time, without letting anyone see them sweat. At the end of the day, you gotta live with yourself (and hopefully like yourself), be able sleep at night with your process control definitions and decisions. You gotta know what you want, when you want it, and at what conditions. You gotta have negotiables, and non-negotiables. You gotta have a good attitude about life, your work, and your processes -- whether mental, financial, physical, written down or in your head -- and realize you are in the greatest process of all -- the Learning Process. You can't stop that one!
Saturday, July 12, 2008
am I doing the right thing for me?
Re-invention, re-engineering, re-hashing, re- whatever you want to call it: it's nerve-racking.
I sometimes feel guilty, overwhelmed, questioning. What is the right thing for me? Am I really exactly where I am supposed to be?
Am I really willing to trust the universe, fate, Wyrd, or whatever it is that pulled me in this direction in the first place? Why did I have to spend all that time learning something I may never use again? Transferable skills, they tell me. Think transferable skills. It's all about your attitude. Stay focused, stay excited. Stay hungry, stay alive.
It's hard, it's damn hard. Friends say I shouldn't feel guilty for leaving the profession, for leaving science, especially if I am not as interested in it as I once was. I like some things but not to get my hands dirty so to speak. Is that cowardice or what?
But I love my life now. I love learning about literature and art and fiction. I love the freedom the creativity the energy that comes after I've tried and poured out my heart onto my computer keyboard. (not as romantic these days is it? Quill and parchment would be so much more elegant...) I just have to kill this inner critic of mine, or at least lock it up in the dungeon for a while. No one will notice. It's not like its a real person anyway.
I sometimes feel guilty, overwhelmed, questioning. What is the right thing for me? Am I really exactly where I am supposed to be?
Am I really willing to trust the universe, fate, Wyrd, or whatever it is that pulled me in this direction in the first place? Why did I have to spend all that time learning something I may never use again? Transferable skills, they tell me. Think transferable skills. It's all about your attitude. Stay focused, stay excited. Stay hungry, stay alive.
It's hard, it's damn hard. Friends say I shouldn't feel guilty for leaving the profession, for leaving science, especially if I am not as interested in it as I once was. I like some things but not to get my hands dirty so to speak. Is that cowardice or what?
But I love my life now. I love learning about literature and art and fiction. I love the freedom the creativity the energy that comes after I've tried and poured out my heart onto my computer keyboard. (not as romantic these days is it? Quill and parchment would be so much more elegant...) I just have to kill this inner critic of mine, or at least lock it up in the dungeon for a while. No one will notice. It's not like its a real person anyway.
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Next step
Am ready for the learning phase now, have submitted some work / proposals to a couple editors, jobs, or contests. It's quite fluid at the moment, without strategy or plan, which keeps it challenging and daunting at the same time.
Just trying to stay authentic, real and true to myself, and not get caught up in the same mess I found myself before. Taking my time so I don't get burnt out. Enjoying life. Seeing friends are also part of the process. Big fluffy clouds and blue skies to counteract all those grey days ahead.
ugh, I need a nap!
Just trying to stay authentic, real and true to myself, and not get caught up in the same mess I found myself before. Taking my time so I don't get burnt out. Enjoying life. Seeing friends are also part of the process. Big fluffy clouds and blue skies to counteract all those grey days ahead.
ugh, I need a nap!
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Good things come slowly
Yeah, writing is a lot of work, and it goes fairly slow most of the time. Discipline is my driver, and I hope my muse (moose?) will find me in my office at a scheduled hour. But good things take a long time to mix, knead, rise and bake like a yummy good loaf of bread. Really good things come slowly, my friend reminded me today.
The greatest thing to come out of this process so far is the feeling that I am more patient with myself. And that is a very helpful thing in this business.
Now the trick will be to be patient with others... ha ha ha... but I think I was better with others (at least publicly!) than with myself. Good relationships also take considerable time to grow and develop. Sometimes I overlook this fact, this truth, and miss key opportunities.
Ah, then the Great Big Moose in the Sky says, well, perhaps you just were not ready for those opportunities, the timing was not right for you, the environment, etc.
Then I say to my dear Moose: I want to be 15 and have that perfect storm again -- where things culminate to the point that I am getting stories done and accepted, and rejected too, because I look forward to learning from my rejections!!! I won't f*@% it up this time...
The greatest thing to come out of this process so far is the feeling that I am more patient with myself. And that is a very helpful thing in this business.
Now the trick will be to be patient with others... ha ha ha... but I think I was better with others (at least publicly!) than with myself. Good relationships also take considerable time to grow and develop. Sometimes I overlook this fact, this truth, and miss key opportunities.
Ah, then the Great Big Moose in the Sky says, well, perhaps you just were not ready for those opportunities, the timing was not right for you, the environment, etc.
Then I say to my dear Moose: I want to be 15 and have that perfect storm again -- where things culminate to the point that I am getting stories done and accepted, and rejected too, because I look forward to learning from my rejections!!! I won't f*@% it up this time...
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Doors
This morning, I spent some laughable minutes watching my cat trying to open the bedroom door. She spies it, judges the height, is focused and ready with her hindlegs haunched, and then, boiiing! Up!
She jumps up and clasps the handle with her front paws, and just for a minuscule of time, she is actually hanging on to the handle. Letting her weight and gravity bring the handle down, she tries to open the door. Back on the ground, she gives the door a gentle push. This has worked before. Unfortunately for her this time, the door is locked. After a few tries, she attempts to jiggle the key with one outstretched paw, but to no avail. Poor kitty doesn't know yet how to turn the key the right way. She really wants to sleep on our nice comfy and clean bedsheets, away from the other noisy cat. She'll come back and try later. Perhaps the door will be unlocked then.
Sometimes I wonder if I am not a "kitty" myself, trying to open a door that is locked. I am trying to figure out as well how to to open my own doors, sitting comfortably in front of my computer. How do I turn the proverbial key? Why do I desire to open a particular door more than another? Aren't there just more doors and jumps and keys to find and figure out how to open?
Watching Kitty door opening is a lot like watching or playing a video game. For example, Crash Bandicoot, my nephew's favorite. There are all sorts of things and doors and tricks you have to figure out how to play to get more points, to win. It is just fun playing the game. Sometimes, it is enjoyable to watch him get a bit frustrated when he can't jump over the bridge or whatever it is to get to the next level to get some diamond or clue. But it is cute, his frustration, because he is learning. (No I am not a sadistic aunt who enjoys seeing beings frustrated and denied because they don't know how to "open a door"or "jump").
That is what is so amazing for me. We are all on different parts of the learning spectrum, some of us have clearly mastered "jumping" and "turning keys" to open doors of opportunities for themselves, and some have clearly not mastered it and are still frustrated, and have feelings of anxiety and nervousness because of this repeated denial or rejection. What I am trying to say is that, no matter where we are on this spectrum, we have to feedback -- help those who haven't mastered, and learn from those who have.
Try another door. Try another key. Try another angle to jump. Change your motivation. Change what you want and need. Just don't ever give up!
However, I can't stand those masters of "jumping" who say "Just Do It!" or "it's easy once you know how". The simple knowledge or ability is clearly not enough, and it actually may differ from person to person. It takes time, it takes patience, and it takes lots and lots of experience to know thy self and to know why we are trying to open particular doors. Perhaps once we know this why, the solution (i.e., the key that opens the door) will come to us much more easily, or we will decide consciously to seek another door, as the reasons are no longer compelling enough.
"Because I can" is not a rational reason. Doors are there, obstacles are there for a reason, but we may not know why all the time. And perhaps that is for the best, as we keep on learning...
She jumps up and clasps the handle with her front paws, and just for a minuscule of time, she is actually hanging on to the handle. Letting her weight and gravity bring the handle down, she tries to open the door. Back on the ground, she gives the door a gentle push. This has worked before. Unfortunately for her this time, the door is locked. After a few tries, she attempts to jiggle the key with one outstretched paw, but to no avail. Poor kitty doesn't know yet how to turn the key the right way. She really wants to sleep on our nice comfy and clean bedsheets, away from the other noisy cat. She'll come back and try later. Perhaps the door will be unlocked then.
Sometimes I wonder if I am not a "kitty" myself, trying to open a door that is locked. I am trying to figure out as well how to to open my own doors, sitting comfortably in front of my computer. How do I turn the proverbial key? Why do I desire to open a particular door more than another? Aren't there just more doors and jumps and keys to find and figure out how to open?
Watching Kitty door opening is a lot like watching or playing a video game. For example, Crash Bandicoot, my nephew's favorite. There are all sorts of things and doors and tricks you have to figure out how to play to get more points, to win. It is just fun playing the game. Sometimes, it is enjoyable to watch him get a bit frustrated when he can't jump over the bridge or whatever it is to get to the next level to get some diamond or clue. But it is cute, his frustration, because he is learning. (No I am not a sadistic aunt who enjoys seeing beings frustrated and denied because they don't know how to "open a door"or "jump").
That is what is so amazing for me. We are all on different parts of the learning spectrum, some of us have clearly mastered "jumping" and "turning keys" to open doors of opportunities for themselves, and some have clearly not mastered it and are still frustrated, and have feelings of anxiety and nervousness because of this repeated denial or rejection. What I am trying to say is that, no matter where we are on this spectrum, we have to feedback -- help those who haven't mastered, and learn from those who have.
Try another door. Try another key. Try another angle to jump. Change your motivation. Change what you want and need. Just don't ever give up!
However, I can't stand those masters of "jumping" who say "Just Do It!" or "it's easy once you know how". The simple knowledge or ability is clearly not enough, and it actually may differ from person to person. It takes time, it takes patience, and it takes lots and lots of experience to know thy self and to know why we are trying to open particular doors. Perhaps once we know this why, the solution (i.e., the key that opens the door) will come to us much more easily, or we will decide consciously to seek another door, as the reasons are no longer compelling enough.
"Because I can" is not a rational reason. Doors are there, obstacles are there for a reason, but we may not know why all the time. And perhaps that is for the best, as we keep on learning...
Monday, April 21, 2008
Working Hard / Hardly Working
They say when you enjoy what you do, you are hardly "working", that is, there is no where you would rather be than doing what you enjoy. But making what you enjoy into an endeavor that will feed you and put clothes on your back is something else and could be construed as "working hard". Although it is nice to have a safety net in practice, when you are really out there doing what you do best, you have to do it (perform or work) with out the safety net, walk the wire in front of hundreds of people hoping you succeed, deathly afraid for you if you fall. You only fall/fail Fatally ONCE. :-) Everything else you can pick up the pieces and try again and/or learn from the failure.
I still have my safety net on, and so I am practicing. In a way I am hiding a bit too with my safety net. I admit that. But perhaps, in some subconscious or unconscious manner, I am still picking up pieces and learning from my earlier failures and falls. Yes, that is why I haven't really established my routines. I am still learning them. I may have a big wig degree and know a lot about science and things, but I haven't really fully grasped or learned how to be me and a habitually creative writer. I am glad I am failing actually, because then the success will be that much sweeter. I am not going to give up on myself and the life I am supposed to lead!
I still have my safety net on, and so I am practicing. In a way I am hiding a bit too with my safety net. I admit that. But perhaps, in some subconscious or unconscious manner, I am still picking up pieces and learning from my earlier failures and falls. Yes, that is why I haven't really established my routines. I am still learning them. I may have a big wig degree and know a lot about science and things, but I haven't really fully grasped or learned how to be me and a habitually creative writer. I am glad I am failing actually, because then the success will be that much sweeter. I am not going to give up on myself and the life I am supposed to lead!
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Changing Gears
I have forgotten how difficult it is to change gears when working on multiple projects simultaneously. The shift in thought seems enormous and sometimes overwhelming.
It seems worse when your projects are starting pretty much from scratch and you have to divide your time between them. Time is a limited resource. Priorities must be made. We have choices everyday, which ideally should align with our core values.
As a strong proponent of individualism and freedom of choice with profound understanding of the consequences of actions, I have a fun time juggling my priorities. It all can be boiled down to the pursuit of happiness, of finding and completing fulfilling work and tasks (not just doing chores), or just having the Snoopy-like feeling at the end of each day "It was a good day, I did every thing right, in my opinion." So I take my to-do lists in stride. If I can say that at the end of the day, the closer I am to fine.
Trade-offs are inevitable, aren't they? One can choose to do one task, in negligence of others, and of course, pay the price later. What happens when things are out of your control? External decisions, accidents, and learning about rules that you had no participation in creating, affect your own choices. Flexibility and adaptability, and hence the need to change gears, are required coping strategies in the ultimate struggle of getting things done, or getting what you want out of life. Long-term thinking and alignment with your core values feel better than short-term thinking and "selling out", in my opinion. It seems every time we are faced with a choice, it really should not be so agonizing if we stay true to ourselves.
Where (a specific place I mean) do I often change gears? Are there specific triggers? Does my anxiety go up or down? How can I control how I feel about where, when, how, and why I change gears? What is my motivations and how can I reduce anxiety or fear as a negative motivator? This is interesting pre-work, requiring "tough love".
I leave you today with some lyrics, to give you a sense of where I am today, it's the best I can do for now (red added for emphasis):
"Well I got thrown out of work on the Kokomo
Don't ask me what I'm doing, I don't know
I hope he wasn't joking when he wrote me that letter
Things can't get any worse, they got to get better
Well I'm a little down under, but I'm feeling O.K.
I got a little lost along the way
I'm just around the corner to the light of day
Just around the corner to the light of day"
- Bruce Springsteen, Light of Day
It seems worse when your projects are starting pretty much from scratch and you have to divide your time between them. Time is a limited resource. Priorities must be made. We have choices everyday, which ideally should align with our core values.
As a strong proponent of individualism and freedom of choice with profound understanding of the consequences of actions, I have a fun time juggling my priorities. It all can be boiled down to the pursuit of happiness, of finding and completing fulfilling work and tasks (not just doing chores), or just having the Snoopy-like feeling at the end of each day "It was a good day, I did every thing right, in my opinion." So I take my to-do lists in stride. If I can say that at the end of the day, the closer I am to fine.
Trade-offs are inevitable, aren't they? One can choose to do one task, in negligence of others, and of course, pay the price later. What happens when things are out of your control? External decisions, accidents, and learning about rules that you had no participation in creating, affect your own choices. Flexibility and adaptability, and hence the need to change gears, are required coping strategies in the ultimate struggle of getting things done, or getting what you want out of life. Long-term thinking and alignment with your core values feel better than short-term thinking and "selling out", in my opinion. It seems every time we are faced with a choice, it really should not be so agonizing if we stay true to ourselves.
Where (a specific place I mean) do I often change gears? Are there specific triggers? Does my anxiety go up or down? How can I control how I feel about where, when, how, and why I change gears? What is my motivations and how can I reduce anxiety or fear as a negative motivator? This is interesting pre-work, requiring "tough love".
I leave you today with some lyrics, to give you a sense of where I am today, it's the best I can do for now (red added for emphasis):
"Well I got thrown out of work on the Kokomo
Don't ask me what I'm doing, I don't know
I hope he wasn't joking when he wrote me that letter
Things can't get any worse, they got to get better
Well I'm a little down under, but I'm feeling O.K.
I got a little lost along the way
I'm just around the corner to the light of day
Just around the corner to the light of day"
- Bruce Springsteen, Light of Day
Friday, March 28, 2008
Process development basics
Today will be a short overview of process development, in the context of how one might go about re-inventing themselves.
As one might suspect, this would be far from a recipe-like, linear process, where you simply do one thing after another, and voila! you have completed the process and got what you want. True re-invention, although similar to invention or new product development (which can be quasi-linear), is a highly non-linear process. It is similar to the learning process of a baby to a child. Inputs you receive now may not be understood or processed until months or years later, when other inputs combine with the original input to produce a "productive" positive experience or output. The nature of the input may also affect the output, and intermediate feedback loops along the way will affect the output.
Let's assume we have some inputs and want some known, measurable outputs. We know our re-invention process is non-linear, but we want to impose a time frame on it just to say that the development, as we choose to define it, is finite. Say six months. Sounds a lot like goal-setting doesn't it? Yes, but I want to make sure you remember the process is fluid, not fixed steps on a ladder. You have to be flexible and adaptable to sense "good" & "bad" inputs or process streams that will affect your measurables.
The process I would like to adapt to fit my needs is a new product development process. I list the steps (some are more obvious and/or applicable than others):
As you can see, there are a considerable number of steps even before we get to the prototype (item 5). Taking this in the context of the process of re-inventing myself, the new "prototype" if you will still needs some pre-work before I can even really visualize the prototype. I would say that some of this pre-work has been done, but not clearly written down or explained to someone else (say not even my boyfriend!!!)
So I have got my work cut out for me!! More to come next week...
As one might suspect, this would be far from a recipe-like, linear process, where you simply do one thing after another, and voila! you have completed the process and got what you want. True re-invention, although similar to invention or new product development (which can be quasi-linear), is a highly non-linear process. It is similar to the learning process of a baby to a child. Inputs you receive now may not be understood or processed until months or years later, when other inputs combine with the original input to produce a "productive" positive experience or output. The nature of the input may also affect the output, and intermediate feedback loops along the way will affect the output.
Let's assume we have some inputs and want some known, measurable outputs. We know our re-invention process is non-linear, but we want to impose a time frame on it just to say that the development, as we choose to define it, is finite. Say six months. Sounds a lot like goal-setting doesn't it? Yes, but I want to make sure you remember the process is fluid, not fixed steps on a ladder. You have to be flexible and adaptable to sense "good" & "bad" inputs or process streams that will affect your measurables.
The process I would like to adapt to fit my needs is a new product development process. I list the steps (some are more obvious and/or applicable than others):
- Idea generation / Opportunity analysis
- Idea screening / Defining target market
- Concept development and testing
- Business analysis / Competition and customer feedback
- Beta testing and market testing (prototype)
- Implementation (logistics, resources, contingencies)
- Commercialization
As you can see, there are a considerable number of steps even before we get to the prototype (item 5). Taking this in the context of the process of re-inventing myself, the new "prototype" if you will still needs some pre-work before I can even really visualize the prototype. I would say that some of this pre-work has been done, but not clearly written down or explained to someone else (say not even my boyfriend!!!)
So I have got my work cut out for me!! More to come next week...
Friday, February 15, 2008
Thunder Road
1976 - Bruce Springsteen
He was so young and brash and unafraid. He lept across the stage like a madman, saving everyone's soul that night. Many of us ask, instead of "what would Jesus do?" it is now, "what would Bruce do?" Have fun, enjoy life, believe in yourself, and dream baby dream....the money will follow your success. And you can survive and thrive on much less for longer than you think.
Thunder Road. The song always brings tears to my eyes. To me, it's about escape on one hand, on another, it is about commitment to yourself and the one (person, thing, ideal) you really love, to pull out of the town full of losers, and win, on your own terms.
No retreat, no surrender. Bruce always makes me feel like I am ready to grow young again. And dream. So what does this have to do with re-invention? Well, you can't throw out the baby with the bathwater so to speak. You have to be grounded in commitment, one constant that doesn't change. For some, that is prayer to a higher being, for others it is in themselves and their ideas, values and beliefs. Not to sell yourself out, or if you have a bit, to go back and re-gain the commitment you had when you were young, unafraid, and brash.
Soul searching is great, but the road is better. Get out there, do things, see what you like and what you don't. Sure its bittersweet when one road doesn't work out, but you've got to remember you've learned something about yourself. And that's fantastic, its your gift to yourself, its your duty to yourself to learn which road is right for you, and follow your heart until you find your dream.
Hope you all have some thing you can be grounded in, that helps you when you are out on that road of discovery, of life.
He was so young and brash and unafraid. He lept across the stage like a madman, saving everyone's soul that night. Many of us ask, instead of "what would Jesus do?" it is now, "what would Bruce do?" Have fun, enjoy life, believe in yourself, and dream baby dream....the money will follow your success. And you can survive and thrive on much less for longer than you think.
Thunder Road. The song always brings tears to my eyes. To me, it's about escape on one hand, on another, it is about commitment to yourself and the one (person, thing, ideal) you really love, to pull out of the town full of losers, and win, on your own terms.
No retreat, no surrender. Bruce always makes me feel like I am ready to grow young again. And dream. So what does this have to do with re-invention? Well, you can't throw out the baby with the bathwater so to speak. You have to be grounded in commitment, one constant that doesn't change. For some, that is prayer to a higher being, for others it is in themselves and their ideas, values and beliefs. Not to sell yourself out, or if you have a bit, to go back and re-gain the commitment you had when you were young, unafraid, and brash.
Soul searching is great, but the road is better. Get out there, do things, see what you like and what you don't. Sure its bittersweet when one road doesn't work out, but you've got to remember you've learned something about yourself. And that's fantastic, its your gift to yourself, its your duty to yourself to learn which road is right for you, and follow your heart until you find your dream.
Hope you all have some thing you can be grounded in, that helps you when you are out on that road of discovery, of life.
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