Cheer Up - What's Wrong?

 "Here I am again in this mean ol' town /

And you're so far away from me

And where are you when the sun go down?

You're so far away from me"  

- Dire Straits, So Far Away

Nothing is really wrong, of course. War, famine, fire, flood, it has all happened before, and it will happen again. It will never end. Yet, here we are trying to find some reason to believe that impermanence is the world's true nature and that change is possible. The infinite game applies, but the only competitor you are competing against is you. I love the contradiction. 

Is there anybody really alive out there? We are a world of travelers and not travelers. Folks are willing to live for a cause and there are, of course, those willing to die for one. Melancholy and routine settle us, calm us even. There is nothing exciting about manually copying and pasting numbers into a table. Understanding the numbers once they are in a table is something else. Something about proof is in the tasting of the pudding... it is the buyer's preference and experience at the end of the day that determines the numbers, not the "true" clinical outcome. Sad but true. At least... do no harm, eh?

I miss the art and the people. How can I bring more balance into my life? Is writing here good enough for now? Is this yet another re-invention cycle? Who knows and who cares?

Life as a Work-in-Progress

Often we think of fixed points or processes -- things that will "never" change -- and set our paths by them. The Northern Star, the sun setting in the west, the moon moving around the Earth every 28 days or so. But here, at the 100-foot level, life is more fluid, un-fixed if you will. Philosophies change, fashion and music, all the way down to the molecular level, if we think in centuries and decades and years, instead of millennia and eons.

Our short time here on Earth then is always a work in progress - processes change, nothing is ever really final. "The only thing that remains the same is change" - except maybe the concepts of pure love and pure fear. The very extremes most of us understand very well, it's the huge spectrum in between that causes confusion. Always changing.

In this short life, there are no guarantees - we may wish for them - but reality is, that's not going to happen. That's the big "grow up" step we make at some point in our lives.

I found the poem below on my Facebook Likes, about learning and growing up. Strange, children talk about when they're all grown up -- when is that? Someone else said when you start doing the things you really love and feel alive -- that's when you start to feel alive. Another person says life begins at 40.

Perhaps all of these things are true, because I've haven't felt this alive since I was 15. Reawakening to your true self is so so amazing. I highly recommend it.

---

Author: Veronica A. Shoffstall
After a while
you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn love doesn't mean leaning and company doesn't always mean security.
And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't always promises
and you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and and your eyes ahead with the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child.
And you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.
After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much
So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers
And you learn that you really can endure, that you really are strong and you really do have worth and you learn and you learn
with every good-bye you learn.

Autumn and my life cycle

Here it is: my happy poem, "An Ode to Autumn". Published in a community newsletter, slightly anonymized, but who cares. It's a start.

This poem chronicles a bit my experience in Switzerland over the last 9 years. I am getting a bit nostalgic as I approach my 10th anniversary in March 2013. Here's my (nearly) line-by-line breakdown:

• dusts, heroes of summer: think of "The Rising" Bruce Springsteen
• born: yes I mean literally. Some of the best people I know are born between Sept 21 and December 21, typical autumn in the Northern Hemisphere
• boys shooting: this refers to the autumnal festival called Knabbenschiessen, loosely translated as "boys shooting" in Zürich, where I lived for 5 years. The translation is quite funny. Recently though, a young Swiss girl has entered the competition and been a great success.
• Öpfelkiechli or (Öpfel Küchli): Swiss-German dialect for these lovely deep-fried battered apple rings at the Basel Autumn Fair, or Herbstmesse, coming soon end of October. Mmmm. There's a very specific stand, and a very specific lady who makes these. I won't eat any other!
• The bells of Switzerland: there are a lot. Not just church bells. Cow and sheep (and other mountain animals) bells, sleigh bells, door bells... I love them all. Saturday evening they ring for 10 minutes. Really. OK, church bells only.
• Been listening to a lot of R.E.M. lately. Three words from the album, Green (1988). Song: "You Are The Everything". Find it, buy it. Love it!

• OK, we didn't get married in Autumn, but we did get engaged. Friends of ours got married in Autumn. 
• I guess the ol' October 1st heating rule is quite old. Must also be a Zürich thing.
• Yeah, the Dragon / drago in Italian / Draco. Read what you will into that.
• There used to be a branch of the Swiss army that wore yellow berets.
• Yeah, there's always the end of year rush to get things done, not only in Switzerland, but everywhere. Post-its are like leaves...
• Odd use of winter as a "dénouement" is a bit circular ;)

I'm making my first recipe of pumpkin-apple strudel later on today. A variation of Jamie Oliver's Pumpkin Strudel but better. ;) Can't wait!!!

The first step is the biggest

Here it goes. I've made a decision to change my life and my work. Now I have to see my dream through. I have been given 3 months personal leave of absence from my "real day job" and I am taking it for all it is. Although the clock doesn't start ticking for another 6 weeks, I am in planning and preparation mode, setting up my pilot plant experiment.

I am an engineer. I have been one for almost 15 years. I once was a writer, of poems of plays, of short prose, twenty years ago. I now want to make my life's work, writing fiction. This blog will be dedicated to documenting my successes, daily and weekly, and monthly, until I reach my new status.

One must re-invent themselves from time to time. Madonna and her music her styles over the years is a perfect example. In marketing terms, its called "life cycle management", and represents a planned shift in the brand to match trends in the market. New indications, new mediums, new outlets must be boldly tried. Madonna can afford to fail at this point, but most of us who are in the process of re-invention can not fail so much. A little failure of course is expected, setbacks happen all the time. The key is to stay positive, and motivated towards reading the market and giving it from yourself the best you can offer. The ideas have to come inside out, but once they come, it's past due time to figure out how to best market them. Market research and knowing thyself come hand in hand.

Thirty-five seems to be a magical age. It's about half way to retirement, and if you are a woman like me, the clock seems to be ticking faster. It's time to figure out my brand, what I am all about, and bring forth my uniqueness to market. For me, it has to be more than doing someone else's idea of a job, agency work, or lab work that I am not particularly fond. I have to really love this idea, and believe in it with all my heart, thus maintaining my commitment. Commitment also then to knowing my brand's life cycle. This will come in time.

Stay tuned here.