Cheer Up - What's Wrong?

 "Here I am again in this mean ol' town /

And you're so far away from me

And where are you when the sun go down?

You're so far away from me"  

- Dire Straits, So Far Away

Nothing is really wrong, of course. War, famine, fire, flood, it has all happened before, and it will happen again. It will never end. Yet, here we are trying to find some reason to believe that impermanence is the world's true nature and that change is possible. The infinite game applies, but the only competitor you are competing against is you. I love the contradiction. 

Is there anybody really alive out there? We are a world of travelers and not travelers. Folks are willing to live for a cause and there are, of course, those willing to die for one. Melancholy and routine settle us, calm us even. There is nothing exciting about manually copying and pasting numbers into a table. Understanding the numbers once they are in a table is something else. Something about proof is in the tasting of the pudding... it is the buyer's preference and experience at the end of the day that determines the numbers, not the "true" clinical outcome. Sad but true. At least... do no harm, eh?

I miss the art and the people. How can I bring more balance into my life? Is writing here good enough for now? Is this yet another re-invention cycle? Who knows and who cares?

10 minutes to write

Blank slates are intimidating. Whether they are white or black, the emptiness is breath-taking as one takes the first few baby steps onto the surface. One tries not to look back at the mistakes made even in those first few steps, are they really that crucial? No, one must steady on.

So much so many demands come on to each of us every day. That's why it is so important to stay true to yourself and stick to your guns: your priorities come first. Then once you've taken care of what you need to do, you can help others. Yesterday, deciding between my German and my cooking and my exercise and my volunteering duties, I went with exercise and listening to music.

I needed to blow off some doors, I needed to not have to fit in. It was getting to be too much: all these demands on my time, when I couldn't even hear myself think. I have to manage my time much better or I will lose it. Sustainable efforts are much better than losing it.

I managed the cooking though, I am so glad not to have another 'student' eat-out or pasta night. Dinner only took 30 minutes including chopping! I'll definitely make that again. Turkish lamb pilau. Fantastic, next time I add a bit more cinnamon or other-worldly spices.

One more minute and the slate is no longer blank. I enjoyed my time and will have to do this more often. It's not so scary. I will write that scene with Bruce and Catherine later, it's still bugging me.

Happy International Women's Day!

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