You know... (warning! long post!)

I've never thought about my problem-solving and troubleshooting skills as something special.

I just do what has to be done within the constraints of the problem. It's not a fixed process or anything in my mind that I do systematically. I know scientists who are painfully methodological, and can't see outside the box they've created for themselves. Sometimes you just can't remove all other variables (or keep them constant) and just vary the test variable. Sometimes you just don't know all the variables. How on earth can such a painful approach be cost-effective or realistic? But perhaps there's something to my skills, something I should consider as special, because there are so many books out there selling "total quality management" and "continuous improvement" process to improve one's products, services, and management techniques.

Now after a few days of considering a specific problem, and trying to find a written "bona fide" process that fits the description of how I solved it, I realized I might be a maverick (or a mad engineer). Perhaps it's out there, I just haven't found it yet.

I seem to have an innate knack of process definition and control, and can see when a system is out of order and fix it. I never thought of it as a process, but perhaps it is. A process then, is something that is more or less repeatable under similar circumstances, given variables X, Y, Z, input the process will output A, B, and C. (desired output(s), undesired outputs -- i.e. impurities and waste)). Ok, this is chemical engineering at its best. Of course A, B, and C have an optimal yield and each level has its costs. And getting rid of waste has its costs. Defining the process and defining when the process is out of specification (i.e. poor quality) is a business necessity and may not apply to simple challenges or "troubleshooting", such as those one may have around the house or in re-engineering/re-invention work.

I may not be as disciplined as a servo-mechanism or computer control system, but I know my systems and what it can measure and what it can not, what it can do and what it can't, what I can change, and what I can not, and how each one of the possible changes / measurements may or may affect the process output. I guess at the moment though, you could say that the "process of re-invention" is out of specification and some control (i.e. discipline) needs to be put on it so it comes back to its intended output.

Ah, then we have to come back to the philosophical side: What is Quality anyway? It's only how you define it in your process. Can you really measure 100% accuracy? No. Because it doesn't exist. Any statistician or mathematician worth his weight will tell you that. You can only ASSURE something with a certain probability is 'error-free' or within specification to a point. Say 10^(-6) assurance, that's 0.000001, I think, chance in 100 events. Say you have 10 million possible events: then with the above assurance level, 1 event will be out of specification. That's not bad at all. But of course if you are the one patient with that one failed device... well sucks to be you.

Quality in everyday life, is how you define it. I usually operate around 20-50% failure rate, depending on the subject or event. That's acceptable to me. I start to worry when I have a 99.9% failure rate, especially when it comes to publishing my writing. Ah, but then you only need one big break... you gotta play to win, so to speak.

For further reading on what is Quality please see "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance".... apparently it was rejected over 450 times....

Anyway, my Re-Invention Process is out of control and out of spec. What do I intend to do about it? Do the best I can to get it back on line. There are other factors that I didn't consider and other players now want a piece of me (not paranoid really). Life happens. I've built enough padding into the process to allow for the major deviations. Things change. I ain't gonna get my panties in a wad. :-)

Now that's a pretty picture. Don't want to leave you with just that image.

It's a special talent to be able to critically think, problem solve, and troubleshoot. It's management on the fly. The best managers are ones who seem to solve a problem with a "win-win" solution at least 70-90% of the time, without letting anyone see them sweat. At the end of the day, you gotta live with yourself (and hopefully like yourself), be able sleep at night with your process control definitions and decisions. You gotta know what you want, when you want it, and at what conditions. You gotta have negotiables, and non-negotiables. You gotta have a good attitude about life, your work, and your processes -- whether mental, financial, physical, written down or in your head -- and realize you are in the greatest process of all -- the Learning Process. You can't stop that one!

Hot and Dry Spell

That's the weather, and it seems to be so with my writing. Writing is just for writing's sake this week. Not to accomplish anything or start/finish anything. Want to work on some old pieces and chip away at some new ones.

Sculpture art is to me amazing. That one can be so patient with their hand tools and chip away at a block of marble. Plaster Paris and clay seem to be easier than marble, but still awesome. Eye-hand coordination is something I have very little of compared to any amateur sculptor.

I rather like putting bits and pieces together and making something whole, instead of chipping away. However, my big work seems to be more a block of marble that has a gem hidden inside of it, than an architectural masterpiece. (OK, I am glossing). Maybe that's why I am having so much trouble with it. I have to get my head around it and sculpt.

On another front, I'm picking up cooking again, which I love now. Although it is not so exotic, i.e. I stick to vegetarian and chicken dishes mostly, it's enjoyable. And cheaper than eating out!!

Don't worry -- the kitty banks have yet to be raided.... I've a long way to go before that...

former life

I saw a news story today on disease mongering ("promulgating the medicalization of normal states of or variations in health" e.g. calling a risk factor a disease) for a former research work I did and helped create some 8 years ago. The people I used to work with are still there, heavily pushing medicalized treatments of something that's been around for centuries and has been fairly level, not a crisis or epidemic by your standard measures. These same guys & gals are deep in the industry pocket and forgot how to treat people, instead of pushing drugs and surgeries their patients have no real sense of informed consent.

-- I can now think clearly of reasons why my former life was not so appealing. The lies and deception is so ingrained, doctors with "no conflicts of interest to declare" yet are getting kickbacks somewhere don't even realize they might be doing more bad than good. And scientists only BELIEVE, they can not really prove for all time for all situations.

So I feel it is more ethical for me to write about these state of affairs, in fiction form of course. Sometimes reality is stranger than fiction though....

Nevertheless, I am truly glad to be re-inventing myself! I don't want to ever go back to that hell.

sickness and goals

Goals are great for the healthy. Being healthy in of itself is a noble goal. But when one falls ill, it is hard to keep up with the goals you set when you were optimistic and healthy. One learns to take it as it comes, and therefore goals and deadlines must have some leeway.

I've decided to be patient, get my self healthy while I wait. To see what life will bring to me. I am tired of pushing and shoving my way or the highway. I want to let go and trust. I will do my work, my writing everyday, but not expect signs or miracles. I just want to do good work.

I am fighting another total body viral infection. I am so chilled, even though it is 24 degrees Celsius (75 deg. F) outside and sunny. I feel zapped, my throat hurts, my eyes burn, and my nose is running. All my joints feel swollen and it's difficult to move fast. I want to go back to bed and curl up with a good book. Alas, I have a story to finish and it has to get edited first before I send it out this Friday. This is a hard deadline as next week I am on vacation!

I don't want to be sick on vacation either, so I need my rest. Am in a bit of a Catch-22. What to do??

Good things come slowly

Yeah, writing is a lot of work, and it goes fairly slow most of the time. Discipline is my driver, and I hope my muse (moose?) will find me in my office at a scheduled hour. But good things take a long time to mix, knead, rise and bake like a yummy good loaf of bread. Really good things come slowly, my friend reminded me today.

The greatest thing to come out of this process so far is the feeling that I am more patient with myself. And that is a very helpful thing in this business.

Now the trick will be to be patient with others... ha ha ha... but I think I was better with others (at least publicly!) than with myself. Good relationships also take considerable time to grow and develop. Sometimes I overlook this fact, this truth, and miss key opportunities.

Ah, then the Great Big Moose in the Sky says, well, perhaps you just were not ready for those opportunities, the timing was not right for you, the environment, etc.

Then I say to my dear Moose: I want to be 15 and have that perfect storm again -- where things culminate to the point that I am getting stories done and accepted, and rejected too, because I look forward to learning from my rejections!!! I won't f*@% it up this time...

The Three Ps

I am talking about Persistence, Patience, and Perseverance.

Like banging your head against the wall after your experiment screws up for the umpteenth time, you pick up the pieces and start again. Like finishing your thesis with all the damn minor corrections from your advisor you are so sick of looking at, and can't see straight. Like trying to explain calmly to a hysterical 3 year old, why we have to wait for mommy to come out of the hospital.

Sometimes I forget I have these traits even though I know I have exemplified them many times in my life. It's when I need the reminder when I fail meeting my goals, that I have to be persistent and patient with myself. I will persevere. I am strong enough, happy enough, smart enough. Change does not happen overnight. But if I keep in mind the Three P's, I have more than half the challenge solved.

Life is good. I better get cracking...

Doors

This morning, I spent some laughable minutes watching my cat trying to open the bedroom door. She spies it, judges the height, is focused and ready with her hindlegs haunched, and then, boiiing! Up!

She jumps up and clasps the handle with her front paws, and just for a minuscule of time, she is actually hanging on to the handle. Letting her weight and gravity bring the handle down, she tries to open the door. Back on the ground, she gives the door a gentle push. This has worked before. Unfortunately for her this time, the door is locked. After a few tries, she attempts to jiggle the key with one outstretched paw, but to no avail. Poor kitty doesn't know yet how to turn the key the right way. She really wants to sleep on our nice comfy and clean bedsheets, away from the other noisy cat. She'll come back and try later. Perhaps the door will be unlocked then.

Sometimes I wonder if I am not a "kitty" myself, trying to open a door that is locked. I am trying to figure out as well how to to open my own doors, sitting comfortably in front of my computer. How do I turn the proverbial key? Why do I desire to open a particular door more than another? Aren't there just more doors and jumps and keys to find and figure out how to open?

Watching Kitty door opening is a lot like watching or playing a video game. For example, Crash Bandicoot, my nephew's favorite. There are all sorts of things and doors and tricks you have to figure out how to play to get more points, to win. It is just fun playing the game. Sometimes, it is enjoyable to watch him get a bit frustrated when he can't jump over the bridge or whatever it is to get to the next level to get some diamond or clue. But it is cute, his frustration, because he is learning. (No I am not a sadistic aunt who enjoys seeing beings frustrated and denied because they don't know how to "open a door"or "jump").

That is what is so amazing for me. We are all on different parts of the learning spectrum, some of us have clearly mastered "jumping" and "turning keys" to open doors of opportunities for themselves, and some have clearly not mastered it and are still frustrated, and have feelings of anxiety and nervousness because of this repeated denial or rejection. What I am trying to say is that, no matter where we are on this spectrum, we have to feedback -- help those who haven't mastered, and learn from those who have.

Try another door. Try another key. Try another angle to jump. Change your motivation. Change what you want and need. Just don't ever give up!

However, I can't stand those masters of "jumping" who say "Just Do It!" or "it's easy once you know how". The simple knowledge or ability is clearly not enough, and it actually may differ from person to person. It takes time, it takes patience, and it takes lots and lots of experience to know thy self and to know why we are trying to open particular doors. Perhaps once we know this why, the solution (i.e., the key that opens the door) will come to us much more easily, or we will decide consciously to seek another door, as the reasons are no longer compelling enough.

"Because I can" is not a rational reason. Doors are there, obstacles are there for a reason, but we may not know why all the time. And perhaps that is for the best, as we keep on learning...