On the way to thinking about what to write...

This morning already has been so interesting.

Another tossing & turning night, with my world's troubles still running around like a hamster in my head. Sleep-deprived and unmedicated, I wanted to rush rush rush through my mornings errands, just so I could have a free hour to write write write.

Then, I fell down some concrete stairs while carrying glass recyclables in a plastic box. I hit my mouth on a hard glass and the corner of the box. But while I was falling, all I could think about were my knees.

Surgery 17 years ago and having suffered many dizzying falls as a child and young adult -- once scraping my knees to the bone -- both knees still give me tricks and challenges. Now, that knee replacement will probably be moved up: to when I'm 55 instead of 60.

Spontaneous tears burst, like a child, I laid motionless on the floor not able to move. A kind and generous young lady talked to me in a soothing adult manner, and helped me get up. Things hurt: another friend got me a chair to sit down in and yet another, some water and ice.

Nothing broken no lasting damage (I hope) other than a reflection of the perspective I was afforded. And the fact that it gave me something amazing to write and reflect about for the rest of the day.

I am so grateful to you, my friends, and, also to all my intimate strangers -- who really understand the meaning of community and helping each other out.

It was just meant to be. Bruised lip and a few more scrapes, but this body knows that. The mind now remembers the forgiveness that life provides.

Character and experience - it is what separates the human with integrity and those without. What a wonderful world.

Sunday is Bruce's birthday

"You gott let 'em hear you in New Jersey, man! Is there anybody really alive??" -- Introduction to Tenth Avenue Freeze-Out, New York City Live, 2001

So excited, Springsteen is in New Jersey celebrating his 63rd (!) birthday. And already I'm sleepless - thinking how am I going to celebrate this year. 

Should I watch the Hammersmith 1975 show? How about the Darkness DVD? I don't think I've made it through The Promise DVD completely yet. Or just a whole day of Springsteen music? Or perhaps better yet would be to go to the park with my guitar and start playing ;) But the crazy cats here would probably call the police on me. I can't sing for the life of me anyway, and my guitar playing is pretty basic. 

I've also started reading and participating on GreasyLake again -- "The Underworld" or "Fight Club" political forum. It's been 10 years since I have been really active on it, and it's really strange. I've looked back on the almost 10 years now that I've been living in Switzerland. 

"So much has happened to me / that I don't understand / All I can think of is being five years old following behind you at the beach / Tracing your footprints in the sand /Trying to walk like a man" - Tunnel of Love, Walk Like a Man, 1987 

I'm sleepless because there is something burning inside of me again, that fire that has got to get out and be seen be visible. To paraphrase Orwell, there is some lie that I want to expose - so many stories, so many things. I need to be focused and really just write and clean it up later. Forget about everything else for those hallowed carved out times when I write. 

Stay tuned!

We interrupt our regularly scheduled program to bring you...

Habits and plans: they say you shouldn’t try to make a change in habits if you don’t think you could do it forever (well, for the rest of your natural life).

For example, I don’t think I could go forever without eating pasta. I love pasta and rice. I am not sure I really love simple sugars per se, but it is more the idea of sugar -- I have it stuck in my brain that I need sugar in my coffee so the caffeine works better, I need the sugar in this cake so I think I am happy. I can be happy without sugar can’t I? Hmm, sounds like an addiction. Well, next week I will try to go 4 consecutive days without any simple sugars or pasta or rice. This is supposed to help reduce cravings “to think I am happy”. (This week’s planning is already shot…☺) Besides, I need some time to learn what I can eat that doesn’t have sugar! Salad dressing has sugar, so maybe olive oil and lemon juice instead. Steak and eggs do not have sugar. ☺ After those 4 days, maybe I will have to stop my cravings for fatty foods…

Oh, this is a blog about writing! Sheesh, sorry.

Habits and plans. Can I write each day 1,000 words? Apparently not -- other plans seem to get in the way. But I can set aside time to write for myself each day, yes, that I could do forever. Minimum 10 minutes, max 8 hours. Sure.

I write/edit/compute for my paid work and sometimes that takes precedence. But that work doesn’t “count” towards my creative endeavor or “hopeful” author endeavor -- to re-engineer myself into the creative writer’s life. In science or speculative fiction (yes, I’ve finally chosen a genre that I am happy with)!! So I need some time to learn what I can do in 10 minutes, always working towards my goals.

So what are some of my bad habits in writing? Procrastination seems to be the biggest one. I manage to play 10 minutes of games (Angry Birds, Scrabble, or something completely mindless) when I feel stressed about my work (which, apparently, is quite often!). So, why not replace those 10 minutes with something more “tasty” but less addictive, even if it is only for 4 days? Like learning some language words? Or a little exercise? Or writing for fun! Four days seems like a long time. If I can just mentally take one day at a time, that would be super duper. You think?

I seem to have an idea, get fixed on it for a while, then lose interest. How can I lose interest if it’s for the rest of my life, even when I take it one day at a time? Oh, never mind, this is me, and eventually I’ll figure it out. The process is just taking longer than I expected. It isn’t cut and dry as an “naïve painter from Appenzell” might think it is -- this disinterest or indolence that I find in me is what I have to fight in me everyday, whether it is the battle against “sugar addiction” or “procrastination addiction”.

Ahem, yes: my theme this week is to write about current events. Google Reader, here I come!!

at 40 weeks

This week’s plan is to work up to 1,000 words per day again. Expanding my vocab is a good idea too -- cue one speaker who uses too much 'really'...

Long long ago, in a galaxy far far away…. well, week 2 to be exact… I was doing this. So, I am only 9 months behind! Like a baby that didn’t know it was due. Ha ha ha.

OK, 9 months from now… there will be more… progress?!? I can only shoot for this, as I haven’t done my goal-setting yet. But I have some outstanding dangling items from last year that are relatively easy to do/get back into, so I will start with those goals. Then I am setting myself up for success. I like the idea of that.

So, am I fit enough to do Nanowrimo this year? Right now, it sure does not seem like it. I really want to do it this year, as so far, the whole month is already booked for 80% work (paid!) with no major travel. I think I have to start with a previous idea. I really want to work on my ‘Ravens’ but we shall see. I have to decide really by 3 November in order to have the thing work out well and not feel discouraged by the lack of progress. Perhaps this month’s practice gearing up again will put me in a good routine, that I will be more awake enough and have stretched my waking hours so that they are more creatively inclined.

October is always tough because of the daylight savings time issue. The ancient biology runes (genes) says it should be one hour behind and I should still be in bed. So, we got this cool natural light waking up lamp, that functions as an alarm clock. It also makes little birds song noises. There’s wind noise, and I think something else, or the radio. The radio would be more random I think, and so you don’t fall back asleep to the nice little birdie sounds. Although we had it quite low this morning, the cats were quite interested in the bird tweeting away in the lamp…

OK, until next week -- when we see whether we’ve made 1,000 words per day (remember, on average: perhaps on blog Tuesday, I go way over and some other days I barely can reach 75% of the goal) -- and I’ve started back on the easy goals that were cut out long ago. Looking ahead, it is really a gearing up… character developments and getting up to 2,000 words per day. Eeek!

Yes, when motivation is low, it seems like I want to slow down instead of gear up… but I have to find the motivation again… oh yes, visualize and dream. Dream of a better world. Gear up!!