In my weary sleepy head at 7:15 am, I could not think of anything fun. "Play your guitar!" Good idea! That is fun, well, at least for 30 minutes before my hands get tired. What else is fun for me? Reading and tea. Playing Pictionary or Boogle or other word games. Doing anything that doesn't feel painful in my body.
I don't take pain very well. I like writing, it's not painful. Sure at the moment I do feel a bit stagnated and not growing in this direction (although some would say I am growing in other directions ;)) And lack of growth can be painful too. Often I find myself "busy" with things I am not sure is the right thing to be busy with, as it is taking me away from the main attraction, i.e. re-invention.
There are tiny little cups of dirt and seedlings inside, slowly pushing their little green leaves out there for the world to see. Get sunlight little green friends, grow! I love Spring with all it's growth. So exciting! I forgot what I planted so it will be a bit of a mystery. I want to get more of these little cups of dirt / miniature green houses. They are so NOT messy. I like that, clean gardening is the best.
Gardening is hard work - but it is a good pain. I know it will "bear fruit". Maybe my attitude about my pain - physical and mental - needs a bit of a shift. I am learning, whether I like it or not. Maybe it is a risk but perhaps I can reach out to people and make my community grow, just like I let my garden grow.
Once upon a time, I did like jogging and playing frisbee and generally doing stuff outside. I miss that. I want to get back up to that point again. Can I do it? Do I have my mind set on it? Therein lies the problem. The wishy washyness of it all.
So, what is it that I have my mind set on? Woe is me? That's not cool. It is what it is, but I think I could have a different mind set. I have a lot to be grateful for. Disregard the scary nightmares of death and dismemberment. They come when there is fear. Banish fear now and forever.
I have to remind myself everyday, that I am worth it. What ever it is, I am in the right place at the right time and I have to believe that there is a plan for me, and I just have to bring myself to the table every day. Faith. I have nothing to fear, because I am handpicked and very precious.
