It’s been one year since I’ve been here “full-time” as it were, re-inventing and re-engineering myself. I find myself ever more so hopeful and optimistic, even as all over the world, people and governments are going through some unprecedented Chicken Little crisises.
OK, I haven’t published yet. Fine. It’s all good. But I have put myself out there. And I will continue to put myself out there, stretching and growing like my garden. It takes time. Both professionally and personally, I’ve gone through some growing pains.
Here are some more reflections on Process on this happy occasion:
• What strikes me as most important: the joy of writing
• The woman I missed -- the supportive, caring one -- is back
One of my old employers told me at some point I had to choose -- whether my life really depended on this or not (the job, the work, what ever). To choose that job -- no not really my life didn’t depend on it, I didn’t feel that calling, I didn’t feel that pull. I simply didn’t care. I understand now what she meant. Whereas, now, my life DOES depends on this -- these stories inside me have to come out, or I will surely die not having completed my purpose in life. The salvation of my soul depends on it, this I believe, deeply in ways I didn’t really appreciate last year but only had an inkling of it. It’s more than storytelling, it’s more than atonement alone, it’s more than anything connected solely to me. From little dreams, big ones come. I just have to show up and write, practice my craft and be the dream that I want to become.
Of course, I balance that destination with enjoying my journey. My journey this year has been roller coaster, but I am alive, I have survived and I am moving on! The changes that occurred with this journey have really been subtle but I needed it. I realized what I missed about one of my old employers (the same one I’m talking about above actually) is that either she or I changed in the middle of our relationship, but then our relationship didn’t change. I missed the woman she was at the beginning -- nurturing, understanding, firm but fair, and supportive. At some point, she became hard-ball, competitive in a mean way, unfair, unrealistic and paranoid. Or did I change? I am not sure. I find though it’s possible that I changed as well. Now I am back to the nurturing one. I recently helped a colleague find a job he will love and thrive at, at my former company. That made me feel so good. Win-win situation, the company will grow in ways that I would have liked it to grow when I was there and this person will help. Oh, perhaps all this soft skills stuff I’ve been working on, psychology and self-improvement, optimistic and positive excited mindset has brought the person I sorely missed back. Is that also an Atonement? Possibly.
I think I’ve learned a lot or at least come to terms with a lot over the past year. I am stronger than I was last year, both mentally and physically (really!) and I will continue to improve. Small, positive changes are what motivate me. I don’t need big humongous leaps forward. I am happy that I am progressing well and I do everything right, in my opinion!!
Happy anniversary!!!
We will bring you your regularly scheduled program Next Week! Sorry....
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