I've been getting sick a lot lately... colds, headaches, high blood pressure, etc. and I can't help but wonder ... am I letting myself go? Is my non-improving health since I left a sign that I am still stressed about something? What, pray tell now?
It's not money... I know what I have and how long it'll last until I am forced to go and find a "real job" again... It's not my love life... that's going pretty well (although maybe I would like to take the next step sometime soon)... it's not my social networking capabilities... I am holding my own and know what I can and can't in this area... it's partly my office and working situation, yes... a bit unstable at the moment, but it will smooth out if I keep doing the right things...
is it my past? maybe. is it my future? most likely. What will become of me? How will I die? (happy, sad, demented, suddenly or slowly for example). The answer is "I don't know!" My current health is some indicator... but really should I worry about the future if I don't change anything today? Should I worry at all about something I have very little control over (my death) and just focus (not worry) on what I can control... my thoughts and actions today at this moment.
I am afraid that I won't succeed in my quest to be a "hopeful author". I am afraid that I will be forever a big round apple with stick arms and feet. I am afraid I won't be able to maintain this happiness I feel now, for much longer. It may disappear overnight. So many fears, no real solution to any of them.
I have to control my thoughts, and think more positively. So what to all of the above -- I can do it! As I've said before, this is the most MAJOR part of the process of re-inventing myself. Perhaps I can work on figuring out actionable items....
I am off the next few days traveling... so catch you back here next week!
