It's tough to turn down a very very tempting offer. But when it is in contradicting or taking you away from your supposed dreams and personal plans, perhaps it is just not the right thing. But then again, what are my dreams and plans?
Sometimes, the dreams I have seem like paper in the wind with no more substance than the grocery shopping list or the squirrelly drawings I make when bored on the train. I want my dreams and plans to carry weight, really I do, but I don't always bring my dreams into my everyday life so they do have more substance than groceries, than poor stick figures.
This is my next step. Find ways to really live little bits of my dreams and plans everyday. Writing here helps. Getting friends on my side and online buddies or coaches help. I should not feel like I am going it alone. I need to find avenues of growth, otherwise I grow stagnant. I need to understand what I am good at, and find partners. I need to know my dreams and question or challenge them from time to time. And to be able to say "no thanks" when opportunities knock, but don't match where I am on my path of life.
It takes discipline to say no and to bring baby steps of your dream into everyday life. It takes great courage also. Brave little one I am so, I cannot say that I haven't been successful. I am continually re-defining success and what it means to me in this transient fluid state. Oh gosh, I still talk like a chemical engineer. Ugh.
Not that there's anything wrong with that. I like the journalistic route... it's life a little more free. I think of my first paragliding experience and the instructor there. He is a mechanical engineer by training, but now writes for a car magazine, and reports for a big Auto Show very year. And he does tandem paragliding tours for those happy tourists like me. A life more free... he's not rich by any comparison, but he's living his life on his own terms. That's what I want. That's what I want to get out of this re-invention scheme. It will still take a while to get there because, if I am truly honest with myself, I know my goals (and my ability to meet them lately) haven't really matched or lived up to my dreams.
That's my challenge this week, to make sure I am totally committed. 100%. You'd think I should have been that way in March? Hell, I thought I was. I didn't know the half of it. What it really means to be committed to be married to an idea or concept. I've got a lot of work on myself still to do.
