Coping: On and Off Sick Leave
After her boyfriend left for work in the still early March morning of wintry darkness, the weary now half frowning woman dragged herself out of the shuttered bedroom. Somehow she managed to fall asleep last night in her clothes, she must have been really tired, she grumbled. She only vaguely remembered her boyfriend stopping to put eye cream in her bad eye this morning. She felt her face, the eye patch was still there. Sighing heavily, she noisily padded over to the living room in her pink slippers, not paying attention to where the cats were. Thankfully they managed to avoid her steps. They sensed she wasn't to be toyed with this morning.
Her computer, with its pulsing soft white standby light and mirror-like screen, beckoned to her. She patted it sadly as if it was a forelorn lost puppy, unable to find its owner and go play. Doctor's orders, she said and then briefly stopped to wonder if she really said it out loud. The past two days were somewhat challenging -- she didn't feel good enough to go out to meet or call on friends, but she was trying to keep herself busy by NOT watching tv, reading, working on the computer -- so she sometimes talked to herself out loud. She felt like she was going a little batty being alone in the apartment with only two cats, stewing in her own juices.
This morning, she had to go to the eye doctor by herself. Should be an adventure she drudged. In the afternoon she scheduled a hair cut appointment as a reward. Getting going in the morning, however, still proved to be hard for her, half paralyzed face or not, older and wiser or not. She made herself a breakfast of cold cereal and soy milk and checked that the cats had enough food. She went back in to the living room and plopped on the sofa, pushing the sensible cats off. She ate and stared at the dormant tv.
After finishing the cereal and leaving the rest of the milk, placing the bowl on the floor for the cats, she finally got up to raise the blinds in the living room. Sideways and driving, blotchy white flecks flew past the window and collected on the railing of her balcony and last year's dead plants. She took a deep breath, and completely inside, smiled; this was the first snow she had seen all winter. Even with one good eye, she could enjoy the sight of the lightly frosted trees on the other side of the street, the white capped cars down below. She stepped out on to the balcony, still in her thick pink slippers and let the small sharp ice pieces hit her face. It felt good, but it was cold! Refreshed after a few seconds, she scurried back in and started to get ready for the rest of the day. Quickly she thought, as even the public transportation might be slow and caught off guard by the white surprise. When she finally was ready to leave the apartment, she caught the sight of her two cats ardently watching the sky and the snow, from the safe warm distance of the window ledge. Heartened and refreshed, the new events helped remind her that she was still blessed with so much.
When she came home after the day's appointments, she called her boyfriend. In the end, it was a good day, she relayed to him, even though she was dragging in the morning. He laughed and tried to tell her how sleepy and grumpy she was this morning while he was trying to get her up and out. Nevertheless, he would be home soon, and she hoped he liked her new haircut and color. The patch was still there but somehow she minded less today. With the images in her head from the morning's snow over the city and the silhouettes of her ponderous cats looking on, she couldn't help but smile a nice reddish beet purple feeling all over and inside. She started to prepare dinner, and was glad to be on the way to being fine.
The following week, she was back at work, half days. The doctor had asked her to take it easy as the strain on her eyes was significant, as she was really using only her good eye to see on the computer and read. Her left eye did not completely close yet, and the patch would have to stay on another week, at least. Her eye at least felt less dry and itchy. The alternative to the patch would not have worked for her, she was squeamish about eye drops and every half hour would be impossible!
She started to feel small twitches or ghosts in her muscles on the left side of her face. Things were progressing slowly, but the woman with half a smile on the outside knew now that, however physically she might look, she could always be smiling inside. No one could take that away from her, she knew what she knew now so thoroughly and believed it. Only she could make herself better now. She would think positively no matter the circumstances. Only the good stuff from now on, she thought happily.
After a strange week of not working at all, to working only 50%, she was actually glad she had Bell's Palsy when she did. Her clients didn't seem to mind and her work colleagues seemed also happy to take up the slack. The illness made her job of handing over all her projects actually much easier and faster -- perhaps painful, like ripping off a bandage -- but it was necessary.
The truth sometimes does hurt, and she knew that quitting was the right thing to do to be true to herself. She just needed an extra push to remind her how blessed she was already with or without gainful employment. The Palsy did that. Strange but true. she thought, as she sent out her last good bye email. She stopped by her boss's office and recounted her outstanding projects and to whom she left in charge, as well as how she was coping with the facial paralysis. A few more doctor's appointments, neurologist, and eye doctors, physiotherapy, but no, still no definite cause could be found. That's okay, she smiled as plainly as she could to her unbelieving boss, as somethings happen for a reason even if we don't understand what those reasons are. We go on and survive and thrive, that's life.
That's life!
